


I know you're seeing black and white so I'll paint you a clear blue sky

by JuliaBaggins



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Psychological Torture, Sick Character, Torture, grindelwald is horrible, original percy is a caring and good person, there'll be more tags when I continue, this thing where you can't see the colours until you meet your soulmate, yes i do enjoy writing angsty things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2018-09-06 02:06:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 23,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8730526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuliaBaggins/pseuds/JuliaBaggins
Summary: For all of his life, Credence has known the world to be a symphony of black, white and so much grey.Until one day, there's a stranger at the other site of the street, and suddenly, the sky is blue...[A Soulmate AU where you can't see colours until you meet the person you're meant to be with]





	1. Blue

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Polski available: [Wiem, że widzisz na czarno i biało, więc namaluję ci czyste niebieskie niebo](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8922934) by [WinchesterBurger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinchesterBurger/pseuds/WinchesterBurger)



> So this is what happens when one is looking for something to kill time while waiting for their birthday... xD

Credence’s world had always been a symphony of different greys. A light one for the sunlit sky above New York on days that didn’t caused him to shiver of cold, a deep one for the trees he sometimes watched before his mother caught him staring and told him to stop, a grey so dark it nearly matched his hair whenever her anger got the better of her and she hit him until there was blood. 

It was not that it was something unusual, to see the world grey in grey – at least most people Credence knew did so, and he never really understood the concept of these colours anyways. How should the world suddenly look different from how he knew it, just because he met a special someone? No, that sounded impossible. And it was not as if Credence could just go around and ask people about the whole thing with these mysterious colours, because while they fascinated him in an intimidating way, his mother absolutely despised it. And mentioning things that she despised was never a good idea, especially if one valued their skin to be… well, not untouched, but at least not hurt as worse as it could be. 

So for years, Credence tried not to think about the colours. It was not as if someone like him would belong to anyone anyways, was it? He was fine with how the world looked. Well, maybe not fine, but… it was working. And it was not as if he knew it any other way. 

His mother would talk about how those who suddenly saw the colours would burn in hell together with all those witches she saw everywhere, and Credence would listen. Trying not to daydream about how it might be to fell this… not that he had a concept of how colours would look, but he would imagine the world looking somehow… brighter. 

Sometimes, when he was laying on top of his bed that could be hardly called so, crying and bleeding, he would even allow himself to dream of a person who might cause him to see all of this beauty. Credence imagined a hand to hold his own, a smile that was neither cruel or mocking directed at him… And then, on most nights, he would shake his head, force away the tears as well as the dreams. Dreaming of things that would never happen was of no use.

 

And then, one day, it happened. Credence was handing out leaflets in a crowded street, people ignoring him at best and screaming insults at him at worst. He eyed the pamphlets still in his hand, looked up to have a look at the sun and so get a clue about how much time he would still have left to hand them out… And there, he saw it. There was something wrong with the sky. It was not looking down at him in the light grey he would have expected, no, it was… different. He had never seen anything like this, like this… _colour._ That’s what it had to be. And what did they say the sky to be coloured like? _Blue._ Credence was seeing blue. And right there, in the street, surrounded by strangers and a city that intimidated him more than he’d like to admit, he stopped to just look at it. There were no thoughts about what him suddenly seeing the colour meant, nothing about special persons, no, he was too captured by all of the blue above him. He doubted that he'd ever want to look at anything else. So for now, he didn't. 

But if Credence would have cast his eyes away from the blue, _blue_ sky for just a moment, he might have noticed the man at the other side of the street. The one in a suit that had seemed to be in such a rush just a moment ago, until suddenly, he was just standing there. Looking up between the houses at the sky like he had never seen it before. Because actually, he hadn’t…


	2. Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Percival wants to find the person who caused him to suddenly see a blue, blue sky...

"-ves? Mister Graves, Sir?"

Finally, Percival looked away from the window, turning around to face Tina Goldstein. The young auror shot him a curious look, maybe it was even concerned, and he wondered how long she might have stood there in the door already. It wasn't like him to get this distracted, especially not at work, but _today._.. It was different. 

And somehow, Tina made it even worse, standing there in a jacket so _blue_ it nearly hurt the eyes. Except that it didn't, and Percival was captivated by it. As well as by all the other blue that had suddenly started to inhabit the world since yesterday, he couldn't get enough of it. 

Tina’s jacket was a dark blue, nearly black and there had been one of those no-maj cars in the streets earlier that was even darker, but still blue, just a hint of it - a hint that caused Percival to wonder if the person driving it even knew it was there, if they had met their soulmate or if they just thought they would be driving a black car. One of his coworkers had been wearing a light blue scarf this morning, and when Percival had invited his sister for some tea yesterday, he had discovered his favourite mug to be blue.

 

Percival Graves was not a very sociable person, there weren’t many people he’d consider his friends or something the like, but with his sister… He trusted her, somehow. And after walking through the streets like it would be just another day at the office just to suddenly see a _colour_ was something he just had to talk about. And so they did, long into the night, and in the end, they both had agreed that it would be wisest to go back to the place where Percival had first seen the sky in all its blue glory.

Percival’s sister had already met her soulmate, they had been married for two years, and when they said goodbye that evening, Percival couldn’t help but notice his sister smiling at him a little bit brighter than usual. He knew that she sometimes worried about him, that he’d be lonely, so now, he was convinced that she loved the idea of him finding someone to share his life with. And Percival couldn’t deny that the thought might have something tempting about it…

 

After everything at the MACUSA had been done to Percival’s satisfaction, he started to follow his way from the day before. And if he happened to be a bit nervous, he didn’t think about it.

All of these high houses, muggle cars in the streets, so many people… Ah, there it was. This was the place, the very one where Percival had stood when the sky had suddenly exploded into a mass of _blue_ – a busy crossing of two streets, and when he saw all of the people there, he felt his heart think.

Percival looked around, hoping against all hope that whoever was the one for him might be here again today. That they didn't just pass by, like he did... But who might belong here? Percival stopped in his tracks, standing close to a brick wall and observing everyone around him.

There was a woman selling apples, a group of children playing, a boy handing out leaflets, an elderly couple in a heated discussion and so many more people, it was just too much - with all the activity around, Percival had little hope to ever find the right person.

 

Suddenly, Percival was brought out of his thoughts again, by trouble a few meters down the road. He looked there as soon as he heard a raised voice, louder even than the city business that surrounded the busy street, and what he saw was a middle aged, bald man, shouting at a boy... Oh. Percival realized that he had seen him before; he had been just standing there, eyes downcast, handing out leaflets. The leaflets that were shattered around his feet now.

"Can't even look where you're going, you _freak?"_ , the bald man shouted, alcohol audible in his voice.

The boy, who was busy staring at his feet, didn't answer. He just stood there, like he wanted nothing more than to disappear... And then, the man shoved him, a hard punch to the chest. The boy flinched violently and stumbled backwards, hardly preventing himself from falling.

 

Percival had stepped closer to the scene, not fully aware of what his feet were doing, and now, he was close enough to see the boy shivering underneath his wrecked clothes. And there was something about him, something about the way the boy didn't fight back, something that... moved something inside of Percival. 

So without thinking about it further, he stepped forward, politely telling the bald man to leave the boy in peace and leave – for a second, he looked like he wanted to talk back, but Percival just looked him deep into the eyes, and then, the man went away. The other no-majs that had stopped to watch the scene went their ways too, and soon, Percival was alone with the boy. Though, watched from this close, he didn’t look like a boy… Rather a young man that could need some more food and maybe a new haircut. And a set of new clothes, as he was still shivering in the wind.

Feeling Percival’s eyes directed at him, the boy glanced up, just for a moment. Their eyes barely met before he looked away again.

 

“Thank you, sir”, he said, not much more than a whisper, and there was something about his voice that made Percival want to hear him talking much more, much longer.

“You’re welcome”, Percival answered, and he knew that he should leave now, that it was against the law to talk to people who weren’t part of the magical world, but somehow, his good judgement had no control over him anymore. So Percival extended his hand.

“Percival Graves”, he introduced himself.

The young man hesitated for a moment before he took it and offered his own name.

“Credence Barebone, sir.”

There was something odd about the way his hand felt in Percival’s, so he looked down, and gasped. 

And the reason was not only how horribly abused this delicate hand looked, how there were scars, half healed cuts and these who were still bleeding all above each other, no.

 

Percival Graves gasped because in that moment, he could see the red, _red_ blood of Credence Barebone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the nice feedback I got for the first chapter!


	3. Apples

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many greeting from my uni library ;D

Credence looked down at his own hands. 

Usually, he didn’t like looking at them, at the oh so visible reminders of his pain as well as whatever he had done wrong this time to deserve it, but _now_ … His hands were coded in a _colour,_ one that was so intense that it seemed like the perfect choice to paint his blood; and it was such a hard contrast to the soft, gentle blue that the sky had presented itself in to Credence. And still, the colour of his blood, this heavy _red,_ was not less beautiful. 

The colour was captivating, but though Credence was busy staring at it, this time, his mind had other ideas. He started to analyze the situation and soon got to the conclusion that the man in the suit, the stranger who was currently holding Credence’s right hand between his own two hands, their grip so so warm, had to be the reason for the new colour. As impossible as this seemed to be. And if he, if the _touch_ of their hands had suddenly caused Credence to be blessed by the intensity of the deep, _deep red,_ then it would be only logical to see the cause for yesterday’s blue, _blue_ sky in him too. 

Cautious, Credence looked up at him, only to find the man’s dark eyes resting intensely at his face. Their gazes found each other’s and this time, Credence couldn’t find it in him to look away. Not when this stranger, this Mister Graves, was looking at him like this. And especially not if he saw the colours too. Credence’s knowledge on the topic was very limited – could it be possible that Mister Graves caused him to see the colours but that the man didn’t saw them too; that Credence wasn’t the right person for him? Because, how could he be? Even if Credence tried to ignore the fact that he was facing another man, tried not to listen to the little voice that sounded so suspiciously like his mother in a far corner of his mind… there was no way that a someone like Mister Graves and a someone like Credence could be meant for each other. But, on the other hand, why should Mister Graves be looking at _Credence_ of all people _like this_ , if it weren’t for something extraordinary as him suddenly seeing colours?

 

When the feeling that he should say something while at the same time, he had no idea of what to say, got too strong, Credence looked down at his red, red blood again. Mister Graves’ gaze followed Credence’s, and he moved his thumb across the cuts. His touch was gentle, gentler than Credence could remember an adult ever touching him, but when his thumb crossed an area where the skin had been broken just this morning, Credence couldn’t surpress a flinch.

Graves pulled his own hands away like he had been burned. The older man searched for Credence’s gaze, but he was looking down again, as if there had never been anything as interesting as his heavily used leather shoes. 

 

“Credence”, Percival said, and he was surprised about how his own voice sounded – not more than a whisper, surprise audible as well as concern. 

It didn’t sound like Percival usually talked, and it also seemed as if Credence wasn’t used to people speaking to him in such a tone, because he glanced up at Graves under his long lashes.

“I’m sorry”, Graves added, and he was satisfied that his voice sounded at least a bit steadier now.

Credence continued to look at him, eyes even wider in surprise. 

.

Before one of them could say anything else, they were interrupted by a female voice. Percival turned around to face her, prepared for an angry answer, but then he saw the cause for her arrival. The woman was selling apples, and now he also remembered seeing her earlier. The thing was just, he may have seen the woman before, but her apples he hadn’t seen. Not like _that._ Not as balls of bright red glory in the middle of her grey basket.

Percival forced his eyes away from the apples, to look at Credence once more – and when he saw how the young man’s gaze was fixed at what seemed to be an especially bright red apple, he was sure.

Percival Graves was convinced that this young man, that _Credence,_ an ensemble of outworn clothes, cautious movements and sad eyes that weren’t used to seeing nice things, was his soulmate. 

And when he oh so carefully touched Credence’s shoulder which caused him to turn around, when he saw the way that he looked at Percival, he was convinced that Credence knew it too.


	4. Purple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And again, I'm sitting in the library, rather continuing this than working for my courses... xD
> 
> Oh, and btw, please have a look at this awesome project: https://fbawtft-secret-santa.tumblr.com/ <3

Credence was still staring at the red, _red_ apples, and Percival was staring at Credence. Suddenly, a thought struck him - he started to wonder when the young man might have eaten his last food, not even going so far as it being a healthy one. Judged by the way Credence’s cheekbones seemed to cut through his face, how pale his skin looked, how thin he seemed to be under his ragged clothes… Percival now regretted it heavily that he had no no-maj money with him, and he quickly decided that he had to find a way to get Credence some food.

Percival wondered if he should just ask Credence if he wanted to go to dinner with him – heavy evidence provided them to be perfect for each other, so there would be no harm in getting to know each other a bit over some nice food, would it? Except that Percival Graves had never been someone to just ask other people out. Especially not someone as gorgeous as the man he was facing right now. And extra especially not someone who seemed to be the person he’s meant to be with.

So Percival remained silent while the woman with the apples continued her way down the street, seemingly irritated by how the two men had first been staring at the fruit like they had never seen something like it in their life and how they then hadn’t bought anything.

 

Credence was looking at him shyly; it was obvious how he neither knew what to do about their situation. He knew nothing about the man in the expensive suit that he was facing, nothing about what might lay behind his deep dark eyes, and yet, there were these colours. The red, red apples, the blue, blue sky and the feeling that he could trust Percival Graves. 

_Trust,_ this was such a foreign concept to Credence, and it scared him. Because he already felt like his chest had been opened, his ribcage forced out of the way, so his heart was just laying there, exposed, unable to escape whatever Mister Graves might do to it. 

Credence would have thought that he already was a broken person, but now, as he was slowly getting lost in Percival’s eyes, he realized that this wasn’t true. If there had ever been anything able to break him, it would be this, the hint of what maybe was meant to be a shy smile on the older man’s lips, the idea that there might be something for him outside of his grey misery. In that moment, Credence became aware how Percival Graves might be the only person who could shatter him beyond repair. And that he also might be the one to safe him. 

 

While Credence was getting lost in his thoughts, Percival counted to three in his head and started talking.

“Credence… would you like to accompany me, for dinner?”

What a strange concept, someone asking him out for dinner, and what a dangerous one, considering what his mother might do if she found out about this, but at the moment, Credence found it in himself that he didn’t care. So he just nodded, tried a smile – and judged by the one that appeared on Percival’s face afterwards, it had worked.

 

Percival’s original plan had be to just apparate to one of his favourite restaurants, but as he thought about that now, there was one big flaw in it – Credence didn’t knew that he was a wizard. Actually, he knew next to nothing about Percival, and if he just took his arm now and manifested somewhere half the city away, that might be not the best way to get into contact with magic. Percival wondered about alternatives, about secrecy policies, but somehow, his mind that was usually so sharp and good at problem solving strategies seemed to be not working right at the moment. Not with Credence so close to him. Not with Credence looking at him _like this._

Finally, Percival decided to ask Credence to accompany him to his own flat – yes, it was risky, but at least it wasn’t too far away, and it would be a safe environment to get to know each other; to talk about things that the magical law clearly forbid talking about. Credence looked surprised at the suggestion for a moment, but quickly after, he agreed, and they walked towards Percival’s flat together.

On their way, they passed a lady in a light blue costume, and both of them couldn’t cast their eyes away from the colour they were still so unused to – and when they noticed each other’s gazes and shared a smile, Credence felt like this might be the happiest smile he had ever smiled. How crazy life sometimes was.

 

As soon as they had gotten to Percival’s flat, he turned his glance around, making sure there weren’t any moving pictures in newspapers laying around or household tasks suspiciously doing themselves – there weren’t, and Percival made a mental note to tell his sister about this. She would sometimes criticize him for what she called “a flat so unpersonal you can barely call it a _home_ ”, and at the moment, this was a rather good thing. Percival didn’t wanted to imagine how poor Credence might have reacted if he would have been suddenly surrounded by talking portraits at the walls and things the like. 

While he motioned for Credence to make himself comfortable at his simple grey sofa (though, Percival suddenly found himself wondering, was it really grey? Would he find out, thanks to the young man who was currently sitting at said sofa?) Percival started to prepare some tea, muggle like. After it had brewed he filled two mugs, handed Credence the one he had just recently discovered to be oh so blue, and sat down next to him. They shared a moment of silence that wasn’t exactly uncomfortable but buzzing with so many unspoken things, and Percival broke it when his eyes found Credence’s hands that were tightly wrapped around his tea mug. It may have been the most colourful thing Percival had ever seen, the deep red blood compared to the porcelain’s gentle blue.

“Who did this to you?”, he asked, his voice not much more than a whisper.

Credence fixed his eyes on his tea before he answered.

“My mother.”

He said it without hate or anger in his voice, nothing but resignation and a hint of routine, of being used to this, and it broke Percival’s heart.

 

Carefully, oh so carefully, Percival extended his own hand, took the mug from Credence’s hands and placed it at the table before holding them in his own. The younger man’s hands were cold, slightly shaking, and Percival couldn’t have said if this was caused by the abuse they had faced, by nervousness, fear, a combination of all of these. He only knew with a surprising certainty that he would do everything in this world to make this man he had only just met today feel better. And so he made a decision.

“Credence, can- can I help you?”, Percival asked, his eyes still fixed on Credence’s hands, and when he saw him nodding in his peripheral vision, he took a deep breath and moved his hand across Credence’s, the simple healing spell present in his mind.

 

Credence could hardly believe his eyes, them seeing how the wounds in his hands slowly disappeared, leaving them looking untouched as he couldn’t imagine them ever being. But it was not only what he saw, there was also this pleasant and warm feeling that extended into his fingertips, the absence of any pain, and the only word Credence could think was _magic._ And somehow, he realized that it didn’t scare him.

However it might work, Mister Graves currently helped him with his magic, and when he was finished with whatever it might be that he had just done, they looked into each other’s eyes again. 

Percival could see the wonder in Credence’s eyes, the questions, the fascination. 

And Credence could see something else, when his gaze left Percival’s for a moment – the shirt the other man was wearing suddenly had a colour, something Credence couldn’t name, though he didn’t feel the need to. It looked something like a combination of the red and blue he already knew, and when Credence continued to watch it, he realized how beautiful it was. 

Nearly as beautiful as the feeling of Percival’s hands still holding his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I read the following quote in Jennifer A. Nielsen's "The False Prince" it somehow had me thinking of Credence: _“Valuable lessons were code words for pain that no one apologized for.”_
> 
> Oh, and btw, there's a character called Master Graves in this book, which caused me to be highly amused in the train a few days ago xD


	5. Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For once, this wasn't written in the library but in my bed xD
> 
> And I want to thank everyone who has left comments & kudos on this work from the very bottom of my heart; your support is what keeps me writing! <3

Later that evening, Credence was sitting across from Percival at his kitchen table. It was a rather small table, as Percival wasn’t used to having guests, and whenever his sister decided that she would come over they usually ended up sitting at the sofa, but now… Percival was facing Credence, watching him, and he was so close… He realized that he could have just reached over across the table and taken Credence’s hand again, the one that was currently not busy with his spoon…

“I like the soup”, Credence whispered, and when Percival saw the honesty in his eyes, the still lingering surprise about everything that was happening to them at such a rapid speed, he couldn’t resist anymore. 

So he placed his right hand next to Credence’s left, so close that their fingers were nearly touching but not quite, and when Credence shyly curled his fingers around Percival’s, the older man felt as if electricity was sparkling between their skin. Electricity of the best kind.

 

Credence finished eating his soup, nodding when Percival offered a second bowl, and somewhen through it, they started talking. At first, Percival would talk, offering explanations of his magic, the world he belonged to. Some personal details, and these seemed to interest Credence nearly as much as every mentioning of witchcraft. As time went by, Credence began to ask questions, and they more and more started to have a real conversation instead of a monologue on Percival’s side.

Percival found himself enjoying Credence’s questions, the curiosity he finally allowed himself, and he explained everything as well as he knew to. Therewhile, from time to time, Credence offered a glimpse of information about his own life, and whenever he did so, Percival felt his jaw go tight. 

He didn’t want to interrupt the young man, not now as he finally seemed to open up to him, but oh, there were a lot of things he would have liked to say about that viciousness of a woman that Credence called his mother. Or about their beliefs. And especially about what was done to Credence. 

When he gently asked for more information on the topic, Credence fixed his eyes on his empty soup bowl, and the flat, emotionless voice in which he described the horrors inflicted on him had Percival’s blood boiling. He wanted to punch his fists bloody on a wall, to have some or some more whiskey, to punish that Barebone woman. Preferably starting with the last thing.

But most of all, he wanted to protect Credence, to keep him safe, and maybe, he allowed himself to hope, _maybe_ he would be able to show him how being close to other people didn’t always need to end in pain. At least he would try to do so, try with everything he had.

 

Later, Percival offered Credence a piece of chocolate cake and smiled when he saw how the bright red plate he served it on caused Credence’s delicate features to light up even more than the taste. And suddenly, he had an idea, and something about Credence enabled him to just ask the question.

“We could go for a walk together later this week, look at some colours? Maybe in one of the parks, would you like to?”

Credence allowed himself a smile that actually reached his eyes at that, and Percival decided that he wanted to see more of that smile in the future.

“That would be really… nice.”, Credence answered, and Percival wondered why he might have paused before saying _nice._ If it could be possible that someone so used to misery needed some time to think of a positive word.

They looked into each other’s eyes for a moment and Percival had just decided that he should ask if Credence wanted some more tea when the young man suddenly stood up, his eyes flickering towards the darkness outside of Percival’s window.

 

“I think I should go now.”

Percival, as if on autopilot, stood up too, exhaled, not sure what to answer. What to think. His eyes were fixed on Credence’s freshly healed hands. And he knew that Credence had no real reason to trust him, they had known each other for not even a whole day, but still, there were the colours, this feeling in his heart every time he looked at Credence, how Credence looked _at him_ , and, most prominent at the moment, there was this _need_ to protect Credence. So Percival asked, he couldn’t help it.

“Credence… stay here. Please.”

Surprise flashed over Credence’s face and lingered in his eyes, tangled up with confusion.

Percival looked at Credence’s hands again before he took a careful step forward, taking them in his own.

“You can’t go back there. Not when _she_ …”, Percival trailed of, unwilling to put all the things that might be done to Credence into words.

“But I have to. It’s my home, and I’ve got my sisters, and I can’t just… leave. And-“, Credence stopped himself, eyes searching for his shoes. Percival understood what was going on in his mind even before he whispered a “Sorry”.

“Credence, there’s one thing you must know. You never have to be afraid of talking honestly to me. I’m not going to get angry with you, not when you don’t want to say something and especially not when you offer your own opinion. I won’t hurt you. Not ever. I promise.”

And when Credence looked into Percival’s eyes in that moment, he found himself willing to believe his words. He wasn’t sure if he could, but oh, how he wanted to…

 

“Credence, you’re trembling”, Percival observed, concern audible in his whisper.

Credence didn’t answer, he just blinked at Percival, tears in his eyes, and then, he wrapped his arms around the older man’s frame. And it felt awkward, Credence couldn’t remember ever hugging someone so he had no idea if he was doing this right, but Percival held him, held him in an embrace that made him feel oh so secure, and Credence loved it.

“Thank you”, Credence whispered into Percival’s ear, and the other man’s arms slightly tightened around him.

They held each other for some time after that, both feeling the hint of _something_ that was between them, a something that none of them would have had a word for, and when they finally parted, still standing very close to each other, they exchanged a smile.

Credence’s eyes got caught by Percival’s shirt again, the shirt that seemed to be even more _colourful_ than before, and when he pointed this out to Percival, the older man told him around a smile that he supposed this was what people called _purple._ A beautiful colour, they both didn’t need to say a word to agree on that. All the colours were so so beautiful to them.

 

When Credence walked home later, surrounded by a black, black night, he still remembered all of the colours and Percival’s smile and the way he had felt in his arms. And he smiled…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _When I thought that I fought this war alone_   
>  _You were there by my side on the frontline_   
>  _And we fought to believe the impossible_   
>  _When I thought that I fought this war alone_   
>  _We were one with our destinies entwined_   
>  _When I thought that I fought without a cause_   
>  _You gave me the reason why_
> 
> \- from Poets of the Fall's "War"


	6. Yellow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, this is now officially my story with the most comments as well as the most subscriptions, wow, thank you all so much! <3

When Credence finally got home that evening, he hoped that it might be late enough for his mother to have already gotten to bed, but of course she hadn’t. Mary Lou was sitting in their dimly lit kitchen, hands folded in her lap. There was a smile playing around her lips, and Credence knew he was lost. 

She stood up, a dangerous glimmer in her eyes, and extended her hand. Expectantly. And Credence knew what he had to do, that things would only get worse if he refused to do what she wanted, or rather refused to let the things _she_ wanted to do _to him_ just happen, but still… There was a new voice in the back of his head, one that wasn’t saying cruel things to him – quite the opposite actually. This voice was telling him that he didn’t deserve the punishments, that he hadn’t done anything wrong, the voice was as fierce as the red, _red_ colour of his blood about this… And then the voice offered him to stay, a gentle blue in his tone, and suddenly, Credence was tempted to just run, to get back there, to feel something close to _safe_ again…

 

Credence had hesitated too long. He didn’t saw the fist coming but he felt it, the sudden impact towards his jaw nearly knocking him off his feet. There was blood in his mouth, he could taste it, and he just wondered if that taste was red too when the second blow sent him to the ground. And there, when he looked up and saw the cold, cold hate in Mary Lou’s eyes, Credence surrendered. To the kicks, the belt she went to get and finally, to the words too. 

There was pain, so much of it, and he barely made it to his bed afterwards; his whole body shaking so badly and stars dancing in front of his eyes, clouding his view. But there was one thing he noticed: the stars were colourful, some even seemed as blue as the sky, and when Credence finally passed out, this was the thing that made him wish to wake up again. The thought of a blue, blue sky, of chocolate cake and a hug and a promise…

 

Percival was getting nervous. He had left his office right when his shift had ended, earning a surprised raised eyebrow from Tina as he was usually one to work a lot of extra hours, and dissapparated to the alley where he was supposed to meet Credence. They had talked about it yesterday, that Credence would be handing out pamphlets in this area, and Percival had been looking forward to it the whole day. Thinking of Credence with every hint of colour he glimpsed at work and, admittedly, also in a lot of other situations. During lunch he had wondered if Credence had ever eaten such a delicious steak, one at all, if he should invite him to eat steaks together one day, if he was doing anything of this right…

“Mister Graves? I’m… I’m sorry for being late”, a quiet voice interrupted Percival’s thoughts, and he was quick to turn around.

Credence was standing in front of Percival, his eyes downcast, and the tiny hope inside Percival’s chest that Credence would be late for just any harmless reason died a violent death when he spotted the bruises on his pale cheeks. And for once, Percival Graves hated the colours, how vividly they illustrated the proof of the abuse that Credence was facing. 

“Credence…”, he started, and felt whatever he might have said else disappear out of his mouth when Credence looked up at him at the mentioning of his name, looked as if no one had ever said his name in a gentle voice, and as if at the same time, he expected punishment for being late. 

 

Percival stepped forward, careful, as not to startle Credence, and raised his right arm, as slow and unthreatening as possible.

“Credence, is it alright if I touch you?”, he whispered, and the surprise in Credence’s eyes hurt, as it always did.

After a moment, Credence nodded, and Percival trailed his fingers along Credence’s face, a featherlight touch, before he gently cupped his cheek.

“I’m so sorry.”

And there was a movement in Credence’s face, Percival felt it underneath his fingers as much as he saw it, and then, he spotted the smile that was playing around the younger man’s lips.

“I really want to help you, Credence”, Percival added.

“You already do”, Credence answered, and Percival had to swallow.

 

“When do you have to be back?”

Credence looked up, eyes fixed on the sun for a moment, before he answered.

“In about three hours I think.”

“Would you like to…” _join me to my home again, let me hold you, let me help you, never leave again?_

“Yes”, Credence answered, seemingly understanding what Percival was asking. Or just trusting him enough to believe that he wouldn’t get hurt there.

 

Some minutes later, they were sitting next to each other at Percival’s sofa, and his eyes found the bruises in Credence’s face again.

“Can I help you with these?”

“But she… she’ll see”, Credence whispered, and the fear in his voice increased Percival’s wish to have a… conversation with _her_ even more.

“I can make the pain stop?”, he suggested, and when Credence nodded, he gently cupped his cheeks and murmured the right words.

Credence’s eyes went wide I sync with his smile.

“Thank you.”

“Did she hurt you somewhere else?”

The smile left Credence’s features and Percival had to bite down hard at his own lip to prevent himself from storming out of the flat and getting to Mary Lou right now. Instead, he tried to place a reassuring expression on his face, waited until Credence was ready and took the pain away from all of the cuts, wounds and bruises that painted his torso. Healed the ones that were still bleeding. Placed careful fingers at skin that was surprised by every gentleness. Bit back everything he might have wanted to say expect for comforting nonsense.

 

When Credence had his shirt back on and a mug of tea as well as some chocolate cookies (that Percival might have bought for him at his way to the office this morning) in front of him, Percival had an idea.

He got up and went to what was supposed to be a guest room, only that he had never seen a use in one of these, so he had placed his piano there. Now, Percival sat down, fingers flying across black and white, a gentle melody filling his flat.

After a few minutes, Credence turned up in the doorframe, shyly glancing inside. Percival shot him a smile, one he hoped to be reassuring, and Credence walked inside, sitting down in an armchair next to the window. It had once belonged to Percival’s grandmother, and though he never really had a use for it, he couldn’t throw that chair away. And now he was glad for it, as Credence seemed to melt into the soft cushions. 

Percival kept playing for several minutes, his eyes rarely leaving Credence’s face and especially his smile, and when he finally paused, Credence opened his mouth.

“That was... beautiful”, he commented, amazement audible in his voice. 

Percival smiled.

“My mother had me learn it as a child. I wasn’t too enthusiastic about it back then, but now I’ve come to find it quite relaxing.”

Credence nodded in understanding and slowly walked across the room to stand next to Percival. He eyed the piano, amazed by the elegant simplicity that seemed to fit the music Percival had played as well as him as a person. 

And when Credence carefully placed his hand on top of Percival’s that was still resting at the piano, he saw a flash of a new colour in his peripheral vision; a colour he’d later learn was made of sunlight and warmth and called _yellow._

But he didn’t turn his head, not right now. Credence’s gaze stayed were it was, at Percival’s and his own hand, how they rested on top of the piano. _Together._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Is there a hero somewhere, someone who appears and saves the day_   
>  _Someone who holds out a hand and turns back time_   
>  _Is there a hero somewhere, someone who will never walk away_   
>  _Who doesn't turn a blind eye to a crime_
> 
> \- from Poets of the Fall's "Locking up the Sun" (Go check them out, that band's awesome!)
> 
> A moodboard based on this story: http://consulting-angel-in-bag-end.tumblr.com/post/154393448385/i-know-youre-seeing-black-and-white-so-ill-paint


	7. Warmth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo, this is an extra chapter that didn't appear in my original plan for this story, but after spending three days in a row in bed with a nasty cold I got the idea for this and just had to write it.

Modesty woke up in the middle of the night, her sleep disturbed by an unusual noise. She blinked, rubbed her eyes and sat up. Her eyes quickly adapted to the darkness surrounding her and she could see that she wasn’t the only one awake.

“Credence?”, Modesty whispered, and she could see how his head at the other side of the small room turned towards her.

Instead of an answer, she received another turn of the noise, this time recognizing it as coughing. Her brother’s thin frame shook with every cough and quickly, Modesty got up. She moved over to Credence, naked feet at a cold floor, and sat down next to him.

“Credence, are you sick?”, she asked, a whisper filled with concern.

“No”, Credence whispered back, his voice hoarse and followed by more coughing. 

Modesty moved even closer, wrapping her small arms around Credence. When he laid back down, slightly trembling from the cold, she went to get her own thin blanket, wrapping it around him additional to his own, and cuddled herself close to Credence, offering to share the little warmth she had. 

“You can’t let her know”, Modesty whispered shortly before Credence fell back into an uneasy sleep, and he knew just how right she was…

 

On the next morning, Credence was unable to hide how miserable he felt in front of his mother, even as he tried. She didn’t comment on the deep shadows under his eyes, the trembling, the coughs, but the way she looked at him told Credence that she knew very well that he was sick. Later, she personally gave him an extra-large bundle of leaflets to hand out, smiling a vicious little smile, and when Credence went to get his thin coat before heading out, he found it gone. Credence wondered if it was her goal to kill him. 

His mind was dizzy, he could hardly concentrate on anything more than his own steps and not falling down, and so it needed a man with a bright red tie to pass by for Credence to remember something important. Today he was meant to go on his walk with Mist- Percival, he had asked him to call him Percival, and they had planned to look at the colours together. Credence had been looking forward to it, at least until around dinner yesterday. Afterwards, he had begun to feel sick, and his brain wasn’t up for a lot of coherent thoughts anymore.

Credence still went to the place where he was supposed to meet Percival, and while he waited for the other man, he wondered if he would be angry. Angry that Credence wouldn’t be able to do much more walking today; that he probably also would be unable to participate in a conversation, judged by how hard it was becoming to follow even his own train of thoughts. 

And somehow, Credence found himself believing that No, Percival wouldn’t be angry with him. He smiled, a small private smile all to himself, when he became aware that this wasn’t a product of his foggy mind but that he actually _trusted_ Percival Graves. That the man had never done anything not to deserve this trust; quite the opposite. 

 

When Percival arrived in the alley he immediately spotted Credence, bracing himself against the brick wall. In a second, he was by his side.

“Credence?”, Percival asked, careful, not sure if the younger man had already realized that he was there.

Credence looked up and offered a tired smile that encouraged Percival to gently put his hand to his back. He could feel how cold Credence’s skin was through the thin shirt he was wearing, noticed the slight tremors, the glassy eyes. There was no question that Credence was sick.

“Oh, darling…”, Percival whispered while he shrugged out of his own coat and scarf, wrapping them tightly around Credence. He seemed too exhausted to even protest and this caused Percival to get even more worried. 

“Credence, can I take you to my place?”

Percival received a weak nod in response before Credence sagged against his shoulder; Percival’s arms around him the only reason he didn’t fall to the ground. Without a second thought, Percival grabbed him tighter and apparated right into his own flat, where he carefully placed Credence in his bed.

 

Credence woke up in an unfamiliar surrounding, but before his heart rate had the chance to pick up out of panic, he saw a familiar face and felt himself relaxing. He saw Percival Graves, sitting in a chair next to the bed that Credence was laying in, reading what seemed to be a newspaper. At the front page, there was a photograph of a lady Credence had never seen. She was pretty, in an intimidating way that called for authority, and wearing something that looked like a weird crown, but that wasn’t the most fascinating thing for Credence. No, because the lady in the picture actually _blinked_. Her eyes moved, as if she hadn’t been printed but locked behind a tiny window. Credence was captivated and so he was surprised when he heard Percival’s voice a second later.

“Credence? How are you feeling?”

“Better”, Credence answered, and he found it to be true. His head wasn’t hurting anymore and for the first time in what seemed to be years, he felt truly _warm._ Tugged under all this blankets…

“Percival?”, Credence started and saw the older man smiling at the mentioning of his first name, “Where am I?”

“In my flat, precisely said in my bed. I’m sorry for just taking you here, but you passed out in that alley and truly got me worried, so I brought you with me, and…” 

Percival looked as if he had just remembered something important and reached towards a glass that was resting at the bedside table, filled with a light blue liquid. 

“You should probably drink some more of this, it will help you.”

When Credence struggled to sit up, Percival rested a careful hand at his back and rearranged the pillows, so they’d support Credence. He then handed him the glass, their fingers slightly brushing.

Credence drank the offered liquid, wondering if it was some magic medicine – there was not much he could compare it to, but still, he was pretty sure that usual medicine wasn’t able to have one feeling better that quickly, to create such a wonderful warmth all inside him.

“Thank you”, Credence said when he gave the empty glass back to Percival, and right after he had done so, Percival took his hand again.

 

Percival looked into Credence’s eyes for a moment, captivating him with his gaze, before he placed a featherlight kiss on top of Credence’s hand. The younger man noticed his own sharp intake of breath, the flinch he couldn’t suppress, and when he looked at Percival again, he had backed up in his chair, an apologetic expression on his face.

“Credence, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done this…”

Before Percival was able to continue his sentence, Credence reached forward, taking Percival’s larger hand between his own two.

“It’s alright. I was just… surprised.”

When he saw that Percival still wasn’t convinced, Credence decided to be a bit braver.

“You- you could do it again, if you’d like to”, he whispered, and the way Percival smiled at him in return warmed Credence’s heart up even more than the magical medicine had been able to.

 

Percival later brought Credence soup and read to him out of his newspaper, stories about people that Credence had never heard of but still found captivating for all of the magic they contained, and for the fact that they were read in Percival’s soothing voice.

Credence was just listening to an article about someone called Grindelwald, seemingly a very bad person, when he noticed his eyelids getting more and more heavy. Percival noticed this too, as he folded his newspaper and tugged the blankets closer around Credence.

“You should try to get some more sleep.”

Credence nodded, already feeling himself drifting off into sleep, and he wondered if Percival had actually leaned down to place a gentle kiss at his forehead or if this already was part of his dream…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _In the rain, hold my head and ease my pain_   
>  _In a world that's gone insane_   
>  _Back row to the left, a little to the side_   
>  _Slightly out of the place_   
>  _Look beyond the light, where you'd least expect_   
>  _There's someone special_
> 
> \- from Poets of the Fall's "Someone Special"


	8. Flicker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written to the sounds of a lot of awesome Christmas music...

A few days later, as Percival was just eating a quick sandwich in his office, half an eye still fixed at an important report he had been reading, Tina Goldstein entered the room. He looked up at her, some papers in her hand, and stopped. Because Tina was wearing a jacket, a jacket so amazingly _purple_ that he couldn’t ignore it…

“Mister Graves?”, Tina asked, confusion audible in her voice. Seemingly, he had been silent for too long.

“I’m sorry, Tina. I… You are wearing a pretty jacket.”

Tina opened her mouth, closed it again, shot a glance towards her own jacket, eyed Percival… and decided to say nothing. Which seemed dangerous to Percival, especially combined with the slightly raised eyebrow he received later when he thanked her for the information about a current case she had provided. Maybe his tone had been a little bit too cheerful, his smile a bit too visible for the cold workaholic that was Percival Graves, or well, _had_ been. Had been? He couldn’t fight another smile, this time to himself, and eyed his watch – just two more hours of work and he would be able to go…

 

Credence was walking around with his own smile, one that the streets of New York had rarely ever seen the young man smiling, if they had done so at all. He could hardly believe that it had only been a few weeks since he had met Percival Graves, that such a short time would be enough to turn his life upside down like this. There was so much that had changed – first, of course there were the colours, welcoming him outside like an old friend whenever he was able to leave the house. Which was quite often recently, now that he thought about it… 

He decided to ask Percival about it later, though he wasn’t sure if he would receive a satisfying answer. When he had asked the wizard if he had anything to do with the fact that his mother simply seemed to _forget_ to punish him and the others, ever since that particularly bad incident when Percival had ended up healing all the bloody cuts that decorated Credence’s back, he had just smiled. 

And it had been a new smile; not the one he would smile at Credence to reassure him or the one he smiled right after laughing about something funny or his happy smile whenever Credence said that he liked the food he had made or the quiet, heartfelt one, the one that would sometimes cross his handsome features when they sat next to each other, hands touching and speaking with nothing but their eyes, no. This smile had something dangerous about it, and Credence liked the thought that his mother caused it to appear on Percival’s features. And Credence was convinced that Percival would never smile like this when it came to him, and that was a nice thought.

 

Of course, somehow magically convincing his mother not to hurt Credence anymore wasn’t the only thing that Percival had done, and if Credence would have been asked, it also wouldn’t have been the most important one. 

Percival had shown Credence a world that was not only colourful but also kind, or, well – maybe it wasn’t the world that was kind but some of the people in it, Percival Graves being one of them. 

Percival had given Credence the opportunity to decide where they would go for their walks, something little it may seem, but to Credence, someone who had been told what to do for his whole life, who had never been given a free choice, it felt incredible, and at the same time not too intimidating of a decision. 

Percival’s smiles had turned down the walls Credence had had to build around his heart over years to prevent getting shattered under heartless cruelty. Percival’s careful touches, always after asking Credence for permission, with his eyes or his voice, had reminded Credence’s skin of what is was to be whole and warm and prickling with something that wasn’t pain. Percival’s gentle kisses to his hands had given Credence an impression of the strange concept that was the word _home_ to him, and of another one, a word he didn’t even allow himself to think. Not yet.

 

When Percival appeared out of nothing by his side later, Credence didn’t flinch, he only smiled and walked towards the other man, melting into the hug he offered. They took a long way towards Percival’s flat, one that had them passing many shops with colourful decorations in their windows, a park with a blue, _blue_ river running through it, the bright yellow sun breaking through the clouds above their heads, and Credence wondered if the trees in the park might be painted in such a magnificent colour too. He told Percival about it and received a smile, the quiet one, in return.

“I guess we’ll find it out”, Percival whispered, and oh, how Credence would have loved to kiss his beautiful smile right there in the park.

But of course, that wasn’t possible, so he waited until they had gotten inside of Percival’s flat, and when they stood next to each other in the kitchen, eyes at the same level, Credence just looked deep into Percival’s and leaned forward, barely touching his lips with his own before leaning back again. Percival looked startled for a moment before another smile painted his features, one that Credence would still have to learn about.

Percival put one hand on every side of Credence’s face, waited a moment, making sure that this was what Credence wanted, and then he captured the younger man’s lips in a kiss, a kiss that was everything that Credence had ever wished for, and oh, he had heard his mother talk about heaven so often, but never had she been able to put all this perfection into words…

 

After some more kissing, they left the kitchen for the guest room, where they sat down next to each other in front of Percival’s piano. It had only taken him playing for Credence a few times to notice the way the young man’s eyes curiously followed his fingers’ dance over black and white, and so he had asked if Credence wanted to try. And he had been hesitant, scared to do anything wrong, because that fear was planted deeper inside of him than even Percival could reach, but with some gentle words and a reassuring hand holding his own, Credence had finally tried. He put his finger down, just a bit, and as soon as the first note filled the room, Credence was bewitched. 

And so, it had happened that they found themselves next to each other by the piano nearly every day, thighs pressed close together as the piano chair wasn’t really made for two (not that anyone would mind), and Percival would show Credence a few more notes, how they sounded, what they could do together. Credence, to his utter surprise, realized that he was actually good at this, seeing it in Percival’s proud smile, hearing it with his own ears. 

Credence thought about how Percival had brought not only colours but also music to his life, how grateful he was for them meeting, and he wondered how he could tell him all of this, but found he didn’t have the right words. So instead, he stopped playing to kiss Percival again, hoping he would understand…

Before Credence went home that evening, they exchanged another kiss, one that was as short as it was sweet, a promise, a promise that there was more to come. Percival’s hand lingered on Credence’s shoulder, his smile painted with unsaid words that weren’t ready to be spoken yet, and they wished each other farewell, knowing they’d meet each other tomorrow at the very same time as today. Knowing that this would be the day’s best part. 

Credence didn’t look back when he walked away over his shoulder, as he sometimes did; he was still too caught up in the memory of all the magical kisses, staring dreamingly into the night sky. But if he would have turned around, Credence might have seen Percival going back into his building, a smile on his lips that made room for a frown when he saw the darkness that greeted him inside his flat. He would really have to fix that lamp…

 

When Credence got back to the place he lived in later, he found Modesty alone in the kitchen, reading a book in the light of a bright candle. These were two other side effects of Credence’s mother’s new behavior – she’d go to bed earlier, giving the younger ones some time to themselves, and she allowed Modesty to read something that wasn’t the Lord’s word. Or, she rather seemed to just forget that she wasn’t supposed to be alright with this.

Credence sat down next to Modesty, receiving a bright smile from the girl, and in the way she bit her lip he could see how very hard it was for her to keep herself from asking where he had been. But he had promised her, promised to tell her everything soon, as soon as she would stop asking him so often, and she had agreed. Credence just needed some more time to sort everything out – if the last few weeks had shown him one thing, it was that he didn’t wanted to stay in this place for the rest of his life, and he also wouldn’t leave Modesty here.

“Do you want me to read something to you?”, Credence asked his sister, well aware that actually, she was the one out of the two of them who could read better, but she smiled nevertheless and nodded full of enthusiasm. 

So Credence picked up the book where she had left it open, reading about a curious little girl and a rabbit and some magic that he would have to ask Percival about, if things like this were really possible.

When Credence was just reading about a quite crazy tea party, the candle in front of him suddenly flickered, warm yellow light turning cold and grey for a moment. Credence closed his eyes, turned the book down, looked at the candle again – and everything was back to normal; his awesome new normal, with a candle that was shining as yellow as the sun. He might have as well dreamed that little flicker, as it was already getting late.

Little did Credence know that right in this moment, Percival Graves screamed in pain at the impact of the Cruciatus curse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _When loneliness is knocking on your door_   
>  _Everything you loved just disappears_   
>  _And when you feel that everything is lost_   
>  _You need to know there's no life without tears_   
>  _Ohoh, tell me black or white_   
>  _What color is your life_   
>  _Ohoh, try to ask your heart_   
>  _Who you really are_
> 
> \- From Michał Szpak's "Color of your Life"


	9. Grey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so stuff is really getting darker here...

Percival lost every feeling of time and rationality. There was nothing but pain, white hot knifes tearing him apart from the inside; his screams having turned into breathless coughing long ago. He just wished that it would stop, no matter the outcome, just no more, _no more._..

And then, it was over. Just like that, and Percival found himself crumpled on the floor, violent tremors shaking through his limbs. He felt the tear tracks on his cheeks, the heavy iron taste of blood in his mouth, and when he took all the little strength that was still somewhere inside of him together and raised his head, just a bit, a bit that felt harder to achieve than anything he had ever done, he could see him. Cold eyes, pale skin, a cruel smirk ghosting over his thin lips. A haircut that might have looked funny to Percival, in a situation that wasn’t… like this. One where he didn’t feel like death had just clung its claws into his flesh and where he didn’t fear that this was just an opener for whatever might follow.

Because of course, Percival Graves knew whom he was facing. And he knew what happened to people who got into Grindelwald’s way, already to the ones who just happened to be there, and him… Grindelwald had clearly wanted to attack him and with his position in MACUSA, it wasn’t a real surprise to be the target of something like this. Though he wasn’t sure what his death could do to help the dark wizard he was facing…

 

“Oh, it’s not like this”, Grindelwald suddenly said, smirking even brighter.

Percival tried to get up some mental barriers, to shield his thoughts, but it was of no use – even if he hadn’t been suffering so much recently, he wasn’t a match for Gellert Grindelwald. He doubted if anyone was.

“I’m not going to kill you, Percival”, Grindelwald stated, and Percival hated the way he punctuated his name.

“No, quite the opposite actually. I’m not going to take your life but instead, I’m going to get to know it really well. Even better than I already do…”

And suddenly, Percival felt Grindelwald invading his thoughts again, projecting images there – Percival saw himself leaving the office, a lunch with Tina a week ago, him sitting at his desk at home, late at night, finishing a report. And he saw Credence, Credence, _Credence_. He could see them together, walking through the streets, Credence waiting for him in a dimly lit alleyway… And then, Grindelwald was digging deeper, and Percival felt how the dark wizard’s observations turned into his own memories. His sister’s smile, a quiet and private laugh with Seraphina in her office, a little celebration with some coworkers after a solved case… A bright red flower, and suddenly, Percival found himself surrounded by nothing but pain again, wishing it would just be _over…_

 

When Credence stepped out into the afternoon’s cold rain, he had to hide his smile, like he had done all day. He could imagine how his mother might react to the impression of him being anything close to _happy,_ even with her new and less violent behavior, and he didn’t want to give her any reason to fall into old patterns again, but damn, it was hard. Credence doubted he had ever felt this good, this warm inside, not ever in his life, and he could still feel the ghost of Percival’s lips on his own…

It didn’t take long for Credence’s clothes to be soaking wet, clinging to his freezing skin, but it was as if he was not feeling it. He would meet Percival later, this man full of wonders who somehow seemed to… _belong_ to him, and there was nothing as warm as the look in Percival’s eyes when he looked at Credence, nothing in the world, nothing at all, not even the bright, bright yellow sun. 

Credence couldn’t feel his fingers anymore when he made his way for their special alley; they had turned into icy blue sticks with a death grip on papers that advertised what Credence didn’t believe in. The ink wasn’t prepared for this much rain, the letters bleeding into each other, black traces of black on dirty white… 

 

“Credence”, a voice called him, and Credence felt this soft fluttering feeling in his chest, the one he was still surprised by every time.

“Percival”, he answered with a smile, and for a second, he was irritated. 

Because the smile that Percival shot him wasn’t his usual one, somehow, there was something off about it… But soon, Credence found himself wrapped in Percival’s strong arms, his familiar smell surrounding him, and he forgot about the smile.

“Credence, I need your help”, Percival whispered, his lips so, so close to Credence’s ear.

“Anything”, Credence answered, and he knew it was true. He would do anything for Percival Graves, anything he could.

And so, Percival told him a story, about a vision and a child and his mother, and when he was finished, Credence nodded. He could do this, find this child – for Percival. When Credence was just planning to ask for what they might do today, Percival loosened his grip around him and stepped back.

“I’m sorry, but I’m in quite a hurry today, so… I’ll see you soon, my boy.”

Credence just looked at him, his thoughts a whirlwind. Of course he understood it when Percival was busy, and it was not as if the man owned him anything, but still, he had been looking forward to meeting him so much, to spending some time together, and he had discovered the magic of Percival’s kisses just yesterday. So though he tried, Credence couldn’t help but look a bit disappointed. 

 

“Oh Credence”, Percival said, his voice low, and he stepped closer again, “How could I ever resists you when you look at me _like this?”_

And then, Percival gripped his face and kissed him; quick movements of his lips, demanding, _hungry._ Credence kissed back, loosing himself in the new intensity of this kiss, feeling Percival’s hand sliding along his back…

Out of a sudden, Percival was gone, and Credence stood there, alone. Heated cheeks, swollen lips and a mission, a mission to find that child, to help Percival, to be able to help him smile his heartfelt smile again. He could do that, he was sure. Everything for Percival.

 

That night, Credence Barebone lay awake under his blanket, pressing his bleeding hands close to his chest. He wondered why his mother suddenly seemed to be back to her punishing self, if Percival had changed whatever magic he had been doing, if he might be mad at Credence… No, certainly not. Percival was simply stressed, probably too busy to remember something little like this, and Credence promised himself again to do anything to make him feel better as soon as possible.

At the same time, Percival Graves was screaming, screaming at the darkness around him until it felt like he didn’t have a voice anymore. Screaming because that slightly accented voice was still ringing in his ears, a smirk audible, telling him how good Credence’s lips had felt…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Remember the day_   
>  _Cause this is what dreams should always be_   
>  _I just want to stay_   
>  _I just want to keep this dream in me_
> 
> \- From Ryan Star's "Losing your Memory"


	10. Less

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that all of you who celebrate it had a very wonderful Christmas! <3
> 
> And a warning, this is pretty angsty...

“Credence? Are you, are you alright?”, Modesty whispered one evening, concerned.

After a moment of hesitating, Credence answered, “I don’t know.”

And it was true. Credence didn’t know if he was alright, as far as he could be, or rather, he couldn’t have said _what_ exactly was not alright. It was just… _something._ Something that was off, about him, about Percival, about everything. He could have hardly said what was the worst – how stressed and out of himself Percival seemed, how much he worried about him, or the nightmares, the ones that weren’t for once about his mother but of nothing more than darkness, thick, swallowing him… No. Credence became aware, there was something. The one aspect that was the worst about his new situation, and this were the colours. It was not as if they would have vanished, Credence could still see that the sky was blue and how his skin broke in red welts, but somehow, it was… _less._ The colours were less bright, less intense, less colourful, and Credence felt as if slowly, it was getting worse and worse. 

Credence had no idea why this should happen to his precious colours; he was so afraid of losing them, of living in a grey, _grey_ world again… He had once asked Percival about this, hesitating as he didn’t want to bother him, and when he saw an emotion flash across his features, he regretted the question. Percival had told him not to worry, a tight smile and a deep kiss, and then he had left, an assuring pad to his shoulder. 

 

Sometimes, Credence wondered what might be going on at Percival’s work; which crisis might be the reason for his new behavior… At first, it had been subtle, like the sky that wasn’t as bright as earlier anymore, but over time, it became more visible. How tight Percival’s smiles got, how he had less and less time for Credence, never took him home anymore, how he sometimes forgot to heal Credence’s wounds…

Credence would never blame the older man for any of this; he was rather worried about Percival, and ever since the man had told him how it might help to find this special child, Credence had put all his efforts into his search. And he couldn’t find them, no matter how hard he tried, and he would do anything… _Anything_ to make Percival feel better again, to get his special smiles back, together with the colours. Though, if Credence would have had the choice – as much as he had come to love the colours, he would happily give them up for ever, as long as this would mean getting his Percival back. The one who would smile into their kisses and play piano with him and…

With a shake of his own head, Credence forced these thoughts away. He was being greedy; it was not as if there weren’t more important things than him in the life of a man like Percival Graves, and he should be grateful for anything he got. Or so he told himself.

“Don’t worry about me”, Credence told Modesty, who had patiently waited by his side while he got lost in his thoughts.

They were sitting side by side on Credence’s bed, one of Modesty’s books hidden between them – somehow, there had been a day, a few weeks ago, when Mary Lou stopped being alright with the girl reading whatever she liked. It had been a bad day.

Now, it was late in the evening, everyone had been sent to their beds, and they were enjoying a rare moment of something close to peace; Credence being at home as Percival had informed him that he would be too busy to see him for a few days, and Modesty rested her head on Credence’s shoulder…

 

The door flew open with a bang and both Modesty and Credence flinched; the girl’s head jerking up from her brother’s shoulder. Mary Lou looked at them from out of the doorframe, her tight smile more dangerous than any angry glare could ever be, and without being aware of it themselves, her adoptive children shifted closer to each other.

“Who took it?”, Mary Lou asked, and then, she waited. Waited for one of them to break.

Credence had no idea what she was talking about, what it might be that anyone took, but he felt Modesty’s subtle shaking against his side, a glance out of the corner of his eye showed him how very pale she looked, and though he couldn’t be sure, he suspected that she might have done whatever Mary Lou accused them of. And even if she hadn’t, it was very well possible that Mary Lou assumed so, and that risk Credence couldn’t take. So he got to his feet, eyes to the floor.

“I did”, he said, voice low but steady.

When Credence glanced up, he could see the smile on Mary Lou’s face, as if she was happy with the answer she got, and without another word, she held out her hand. And Credence handed her his belt; trying to think of fingers brushing against fingers on top of piano keys during the next few minutes.

 

“I’m sorry”, Modesty whispered, over and over again while she tried her best to tend to the wounds that decorated Credence’s back.

“It was a piece of bread, and I know that it was wrong, that the Lord tells us not to steal, but I was so hungry, I couldn’t help it. But Credence, I’d never wanted…”

“Shhh”, Credence tried, his voice hoarse after all the effort it had cost to neither scream or cry during his ordeal. 

He smiled up at Modesty with his lips he had bitten bloody, and silently, he promised them both an end to this. As soon as he would have been able to find this child, as soon as Percival was feeling better, they would leave this place, and things would be better. So so much better. For now, Credence wrapped his arms around Modesty, pressing a kiss to her light hair. Everything would be alright. It had to be – a few months back, Credence wouldn’t have believed that there would ever be a time when he would think something like this, but so much had happened since then, and now, he was convinced that things would get better.

 

Somewhere, in a brightly lit cellar, Percival Graves blinked up at Gellert Grindelwald; his eyes unadjusted to the sudden brightness after what seemed to be weeks of darkness. Percival had no idea how long he had already been here, bound by spells as well as ropes, slipping in and out of consciousness. Kept alive, if just barely. 

And from time to time, the dark wizard who held him captive would show himself; not just making himself known by food that appeared out of nowhere and kept Percival from starving and a sudden burst of pain that no source was visible for.

Grindelwald had been quick to learn that nothing could hurt Percival Graves as much as his words, his descriptions of his actions masquerading as the man himself, and he enjoyed it. 

 

“You know, _Percival”_ , Grindelwald smirked, “I’m sure that at least one of your aurors, that Goldstein girl, has noticed that something about you has… _changed._ But of course, she can’t name it, as well as Credence can’t. Aww, you’ve waited to hear about him, haven’t you? You want to know how your precious Credence is doing? Hmmm”, he pretended to think for a moment, “How about we try something special and I _show_ you?”

And with that, Percival felt his mind being invaded, memories that weren’t his forced inside it together with Grindelwald’s thoughts that accompanied these situations. 

He felt hands that were his and still weren’t pressing Credence up against a rough brick wall, and for the first time ever since he had been imprisoned, a single tear escaped Percival Graves’ eye…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _You fooled me with your kisses_   
>  _You cheated and you schemed_   
>  _Heaven knows how you lied to me_   
>  _You're not the way you seemed_
> 
> _You look like an angel_   
>  _Walk like an angel_   
>  _Talk like an angel_   
>  _But I got wise_
> 
> _You're the devil in disguise_   
>  _Oh yes you are_   
>  _The devil in disguise_
> 
>   _I thought that I was in heaven_  
>  _But I was sure surprised_  
>  _Heaven help me, I didn't see_  
>  _The devil in your eyes_
> 
> \- From Elvis' "Devil in Disguise"


	11. Black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still pretty angsty, but I promise that this won't last forever (though I surely enjoy writing the angst... xD)

Percival Graves woke up to a familiar voice calling his name.

“Credence?”, he whispered, his voice hoarse from disuse; disbelieve audible.

He knew that Credence couldn’t be here, that he didn’t even had an idea that Percival wasn’t with him, and still, he was there. Percival could hear him, how scared he sounded, and soon, he felt Credence’s hands, softly grabbing his face, a thumb caressing Percival’s cheek…

“You can’t be here”, Percival whispered, because he knew it was true.

Percival had no idea where Grindelwald kept him but after all these weeks, he was convinced that no one would ever find him there, especially not sweet Credence. He had given up all hope long ago; all hope for his colleagues at MACUSA to notice that he wasn’t there anymore, that he was gone, _lost,_ needed their help… Or at least he had tried to. Hope was a vicious thing that wouldn’t listen to Percival’s rational reasoning; a flame that was small but still burning in his chest nevertheless, and when Credence’s voice rang through his darkness, he _wanted_ to believe that it was him. He wished he could.

 

“I love you, Mister Graves”, Credence whispered, and while Percival felt a tear slide down his cheek, he told himself that Credence wouldn’t call him _Mister Graves,_ that they were beyond this. 

As if he would have heard his thoughts, Credence’s voice continued talking.

“Oh Percy, I loved you so much. I trusted you.”

“This isn’t real”, Percival stated in a broken whisper, more to assure himself than anyone else, “You aren’t here, my dear, you aren’t, you _can’t be_ , this is just an illusion.”

“Percival, why did you leave me? Why couldn’t you stay and protect me?”, Credence’s voice whispered oh so close to Percival’s face, and Percival felt his heart breaking.

“No. Nononono, I don’t believe this, No! You aren’t here, this is just _him,_ he’s playing with my mind!”, Percival screamed.

 

Nearly was Percival relieved when he heard Grindelwald’s distant laughter, felt the Credence that hadn’t been Credence disappear into thin air, pain suddenly shooting through his limbs as if he was boiled with burning hot water. 

Shortly after, it all vanished, and Percival was alone again. Alone in the darkness of his prison.

And Percival knew that Credence hadn’t been there, but that didn’t mean that he was safe from Grindelwald, and this thought hurt Percival. Nearly as much as the Illusion-Credence’s accusation of Percival leaving, failing to protect him, because he had been right. Percival knew this as well as Grindelwald knew how it would torture him, and no matter how short the remains of Percival’s life would be, he would never forgive himself for this in all of his days. He’d never forgive himself for failing to protect his soulmate…

 

Credence waited for Percival, as he always did, and when the wizard arrived in the alley they always spent their time in nowadays, he healed Credence’s abused hands, hugged him close, allowed Credence to lean on him, and then, he gave Credence a present. The younger man could feel how Percival placed a necklace around his neck, his hands lingering at Credence’s skin, and when Credence looked down, he saw a foreign symbol. He didn’t know what the lines and the circle meant, but at the same time, he did – he knew what it meant to him. It was a promise, one that Percival would come to him if he called. 

Percival’s words were even sweeter than his touches to Credence, the older man talking to him about how they would live among wizards together, how he would teach Credence magic, and when he left after one final kiss, Credence felt himself smiling. Percival had behaved strangely over some time, but now he seemed back to himself, or at least getting better, and Credence was glad for it.

 

And though it wasn’t something typical for Credence, he cached himself still smiling when he walked through the door at home. His mother wasn’t around, a pleasant occurrence, and so, Credence could go to the room he shared with Modesty without getting hurt, neither emotionally nor physically. 

When Credence walked into their small room, he found Modesty sitting on her bed, eyes looking at him wide with excitement.

“Credence, look what I found!”, Modesty exclaimed, and with that, she presented an apple she had hidden behind her back.

Credence stared at the apple, and somehow, it felt like after one of Ma’s especially wicked hits, when he fell and hit the ground so hard that the breath got knocked out of his lungs. Because he knew how apples should look, he had learned about it, together with Percival, and this wasn’t it.

Apples weren’t supposed to be grey, not for Credence, not anymore, and still, this one was.

 

Some when, he didn’t know when but it wasn’t important anyway as he had lost all feeling of time so long ago, Percival regained his consciousness. He tried to sit up in his dark prison and failed, magic he wasn’t able to fight keeping him in place. And Percival was tired, tired of Grindelwald’s torture, of his inability to do just _anything_ about his situation, tired of being alone. And worst of all, he missed Credence, and he was so, _so_ scared for him. 

If he could just do something to help him, to give him a sign to run away from a man that pretended to be him but wasn’t… Percival would have taken any chance. He would have willingly given his own life if this would assure Credence’s safety, but he was aware that he couldn’t even do this. His death here, in this dark and nameless place, would be meaningless, no one even knowing about it for a very long time, maybe forever. His colleagues wouldn’t know, his sister wouldn’t, and Credence, oh, _Credence_ … 

Percival bit his own lip, refusing to cry again as crying would help neither him nor Credence, and when he just felt the helplessness wash over him again, wondered if he should just surrender to the unconsciousness, Percival was hit by a memory. He thought of Credence’s soft and happy laugh while they sat next to each other in front of his piano, the glimmer in his eyes, and Percival exhaled carefully, controlled.

“I’m going to keep fighting”, Percival promised the darkness that surrounded him, “For You.”

 

When Credence slept, he dreamed of darkness. 

For once, there weren’t people hurting him in his dreams, laughing at him, looking down at him, it was not even one of these rare dreams when there was someone smiling at him, gentleness in dark eyes he knew very well, no, there was nothing but this _darkness._ Surrounding him, swallowing him, and still, it wasn’t scaring him. 

Sinking into the blackness felt like surrender, in a good way, getting lost in this place where he somehow didn’t feel small and helpless, no, quite the opposite. In his dreams of the darkness, Credence felt as if he was powerful…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish you all a wonderful 2017 ❤
> 
> _I'm just the shadow of the man I used to be_   
>  _And it seems like there's no way out of this for me_   
>  _I used to bring you sunshine_   
>  _Now all I ever do is bring you down_
> 
> \- From Queen's "Too much love will kill you"


	12. Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how often I'll be able to update here during the next few weeks as my exams at university are coming up but I'll try to be back as soon as possible ;)

Credence was fighting. His eyes were fixed on the pendant on his chest, the foreign symbol Percival had given him, and the temptation was there, it wouldn’t go away, and it would be so so easy… He would just need to touch it and Percival would be there, and he would kiss him, and maybe he’d hold him afterwards, hold him in one of these embraces that made Credence feel as if he was being shielded from the whole world and its dangers. Or rather, had made him feel like this. Percival’s hugs didn’t feel like they used to, when each careful touch of the older man had taught Credence about colours and belonging together and… _everything._

The apple that had been nothing but a grey tristesse had been just the last thing in a long chain of little events that added up to this sinking feeling inside Credence’s stomach. What he had with Percival was still better than anything he might have dreamed of in dark shadows or lonely church corridors with his hands bleeding, but still. It felt good but not like… like a fairytale anymore. 

Credence knew that there were people out there who never found the person that might cause them to see the colours and who still lived their life, settled into relationships, were okay. But they never knew how it could be. Unlike Credence did, because hearing about heaven and actually tasting it were two very different things, and after you once were there earth felt like it was lacking something, no matter that it was undoubtedly better than being in hell. Though, Credence wondered, maybe he was in hell. 

Had it been the devil who sent Percival to tempt Credence? No, _no_ he wouldn’t think like this. He was already pretty sure that he would end up in hell after his death (his mother had been very clear about this, and though now Credence doubted some of the things she taught, he had heard this too often and thought too little of himself to not believe her) and therefore, he could at least… allow himself to have this now. This _whatever_ it was he shared with Percival, not minding that it might have been something else, felt like something more. Percival was still Percival, the most important person in Credence’s life, and he could handle it. Credence was alright with it as long as Percival would stay, remain a part of his life, and so, he carefully grabbed the chain to put the necklace under his clothes again. He wouldn’t call Percival before he had found the child and if, shortly before he fell asleep, Credence thought that there had been a time when he would have done so, he tried to ignore it…

 

Credence didn’t know what had happened. He had no idea how he had gotten here, why his whole body was hurting, why it felt like he had just woken up from a dream; one of those dreams when the thick darkness gave him shelter. Carefully, Credence looked around, took in the utter destruction that surrounded him, and there, was that… His mother. Dead. And suddenly, he understood. Or at least he understood a part of it - he didn’t know _how,_ but he was certain _that_ he had killed her. That this darkness was not only there in his dreams, that it rather was _inside him_ , and Credence felt himself panicking, he was so so scared, and before he could think about it, his shaking fingers were clutching the pendant that Percival had given him. He just wished for Percival to get here, to explain what was going on, to help, to make Credence better; he didn’t want to kill people, he didn’t want to be a monster, and he was crying, he felt the tears sliding down his cheeks, and he was so confused…

And suddenly, Percival was there. He got to his knees in front of Credence, cradled his head in his hands, and he spoke to him.

“The obscurial – was here? Where did she go?”

Credence was too far gone to notice how unlike himself Percival sounded, how all of the warmth his voice usually contained when he talked to Credence suddenly had vanished. He only heard the words but he couldn’t understand them; he had no idea what Percival meant by this foreign word, or who _she_ was, he was just so scared, he needed Percival to hold him…

“Help me, help me”, Credence whispered, because it was all he wanted.

“Didn’t you tell me you had another sister?”, Percival asked, ignoring Credence’s question.

Credence felt himself shaking because now he cached the coldness in Percival’s voice and what did his sisters have to do with anything, why wouldn’t Percival help him, what had happened?

“ _Please_ help me”, Credence said, and it was more of a whimper than a whisper.

“Where’s your other sister, Credence? The little one? Where did she go?”

Modesty? What did Percival want from her now, couldn’t he see that Credence needed him? Needed him to hold him, to help him understand, to just keep breathing?

“ _Please help me_ ”, Credence whispered once more.

And then, it happened. Percival slapped Credence across the face, and what a strange thing it was, that Credence felt the pain in his heart rather than in his cheeks.

 

The following hours passed in glimpses that wouldn’t fit together, Credence couldn’t make sense of anything, he didn’t know… There had been more of the blackness, and he had been angry, so so angry, and he felt like his heart was bleeding… Percival. His voice, ripped of all warmth, cut through the swirling fog that was Credence’s thoughts, and he heard him say “I’m done with you”. And Credence screamed, because he wouldn’t have believed it, weeks ago, he wouldn’t have, but now he did; Percival’s actions went hand in hand with his words, and he had hurt Credence. Although he had said he never would, although he had _promised._

And Credence remembered how the blackness had taken control, whispering into his ear that he should hurt Percival, kill him for all he had done to him, but even now, Credence couldn’t. So he had fled, flown away, and now he was still flying, and he didn’t have the energy to wonder why he was able to fly, he just wanted to get away, and somewhere in the distance, there was a voice calling his name. An unknown voice, and Credence refused to listen, because he didn’t want to be _Credence_ anymore, the man who had let himself be fooled to believe that there actually was something like love in this cruel world – he just wanted to be this blackness, no name, no memories, there was nothing he wanted more than to get away…

 

Credence was in a tunnel, one that looked like it was meant for the subway, and how did he got there? What happened, what is happening, and who is this strange man, gentle eyes that wouldn’t quite meet his own? He’s talking, and there’s hope in his words, and Credence wishes, he wanted to believe him so much…

“Credence, can I come over to you? Can I come over?”

The man actually hesitated after the question, and Credence was surprised, it is nearly as if the stranger would really care about his permission, and he felt some of the blackness leaving his mind, making way for pain but also for some clear thoughts.

And then, Percival appeared, and Credence felt himself fleeing, getting lost in the blackness again, and whatever Percival is, he isn’t the man Credence thought him to be. Percival seemed to be hurting the man with the kind eyes and Credence didn’t want him to; he didn’t care about himself anymore as he felt like he has died the moment Percival slapped him, but this strange man, he shouldn’t get hurt, his words had been so kind, and Credence felt himself getting lost, it was as if he would drown in dark water only that the water finally allowed him to breathe freely…

There was another voice, the one of a woman, and it rang a bell; Credence felt like he should know who she is but he couldn’t remember, he’s too far gone, and he wanted to take her hand, have her lead him away from the pain, but then there were even more people, people that Credence didn’t know, and he felt that they were there to harm him, why wouldn’t they all go away, leave him alone, alone, _alone..._

 

Percival seemed to say something but Credence couldn’t make out his words, he didn’t want to, he never wanted to hear his lies again but at the same time he missed the gentleness that Percival’s voice once had possessed, and Credence was still thinking about all the wonderful things he had once heard this very voice tell him when suddenly, pain shot through his whole body, a pain worse than anything he had ever experienced, accompanied by a cruel white light.

The force of the spells was ripping Credence apart, he wasn’t even aware of his own screams anymore, there was nothing but this blinding light, the feeling of his skin being on fire, and finally, Credence surrendered. And it was as if only his sheer willpower had been holding his broken pieces together so far because as soon as Credence let go, he felt the pain lessen, felt everything lessen, the world became so distant… 

Credence thought he cached one last look at Mister Graves’ face, his lips moving to form words Credence would never hear, and for a split second, Credence remembered once more how it had once been between them; this feeling of _belonging_ , of being whole together. 

Shortly after, all feeling left Credence’s body, he wasn’t even sure if he still had one, there was nothing but blinding white light, and he was getting lost in it, swallowed by the brightness just as the familiar darkness had seemed to swallow him so many times, and maybe it would be for the better. Credence was fading, and he just hoped that he would be able to take some of the good memories with him to hell…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Out of the dark_   
>  _Hörst Du die Stimme, die dir sagt_   
>  _Into the light_   
>  _I give up and close my eyes_
> 
> _Out of the dark_  
>  _Hörst Du die Stimme, die dir sagt_  
>  _Into the light_  
>  _I give up and you waste your tears to the night_
> 
> \- From Falco's "Out of the Dark"


	13. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, it's me, I'm still there! After one hell of an exam phase I had some lovely free days and now I'm finally back to this story; hope someone's still out there to read it! :D

Queenie was sitting in a not too comfortable chair, right next to Tina. When Queenie had come into the room about half an hour ago, Tina had already been asleep in her chair, and now, as she was silently sitting next to her, Queenie now and then caught a glimpse of Tina’s dreams. The first one was a memory, the fight at the subway station, and Queenie considered waking her sister as she seemed quite distressed but shortly after, her face visibly relaxed, and the next dream piece that Queenie could see was very different. What she got was Newt Scamander’s face, together with a warm feeling, something like a comforting aura that seemed to surround him in Tina’s dream, and Queenie smiled to herself. 

And just when she smiled at the thought of Newt and Tina, Queenie saw something else. She instantly knew that this wasn’t her sister’s mind, her sister’s dream, and so she looked at the young man that was sleeping in the bed in front of them, though they had never been sure if he was actually asleep or something else, something worse. 

It had been four days since the subway incident, three since Newt had suddenly appeared at their doorstep, an unconscious Credence Barebone in his suitcase, and since then, Queenie hadn’t been able to catch just a single thought. It seemed as if he wasn’t sleeping but doing something deeper, and nothing they tried had been able to help him. And it had been just the two sisters and Newt – as much as they wanted the best help for Credence, they also knew very well what would happen if the MACUSA discovered that he was still alive, more or less. And that risk was too high to take as the President had already shown that she wanted Credence to die for what he had done.

 

What Queenie saw, projected from Credence’s mind, was just a struggle of white and black, tendrils of smoke lashing around each other, and a feeling – desperation. Queenie shook Tina’s arm to wake her up and when her sister blinked at her in sleepy confusion she pointed at Credence.

“Tina, he is dreaming.”

In an instant, Tina seemed awake.

“What is he dreaming about?”

“There’s... dark smoke, and white light, and so much confusion, and he feels so alone, so _helpless_ ”, Queenie whispered, causing Tina to swallow.

“Do you think we should wake him?”

“No”, Queenie answered, and she wasn’t sure herself why she was so convinced why Credence was not yet ready to wake up. Somehow, she just knew.

Some minutes passed in silence before Credence’s dreams changed, there were memories laced into the smoke, Queenie felt coldness, pain, and then suddenly, there was a _colour_ , shining brightly in Credence’s dream, and there was Mister Graves, his arms and smile like a lighthouse in all the smoke and the sadness, and Queenie heard a soft melody before there was a gray apple surrounded by nothing but sadness, and a now colourless Graves was hitting Credence, shattering the fragile warmth that had surrounded him in the dream to sharp pieces that each caused Credence to bleed…

 

“Queenie?”, Tina asked with worry laced into her voice, and Queenie only now noticed the tear that had found her way out of her eye while she was all caught up in Credence’s dreams.

“Oh Tina”, she whispered, making sense in her head of what she had just seen, “Credence could see the colours. Because of Mister Graves, the real one, and then Grindelwald took his identity and Credence didn’t know, he probably thought it was the real Graves right until the end, that it was his colour-person who hurt him, and he.. Tina, did you know that Graves played the piano?”

It was an unexpected question for Tina and no, she hadn’t known. As well as she had not known how deep the relationship between Credence and Graves ran, had not known that things like this were possible at all, and when she remembered Credence now, at the end in the subway, desperation and pain laced into his features, she felt even angrier than before - angry at Grindelwald, for what he had taken from them.

 

A sharp intake of breath caused both women to look towards the bed, and there, Credence looked back at them, his eyes filled with equal parts confusion and panic.

“Credence?”, Tina started carefully, “It’s alright, you’re safe with us.”

Credence blinked at the dark-haired woman in front of him and though at the moment his thoughts were a whirlwind, nothing seemed to make sense, he associated that voice with kindness. And it was hard to believe that he would be _safe_ anywhere, not with how much all of his senses seemed to tell him that all he could ever do from now on was to run away, but at the moment, there was no strength in him to flee, so he decided to listen to the kind voice.

He remembered where he had heard that voice before now: it had been in that tunnel, right before he had burst into nothing but light, sure that this burning pain would be the last thing he’d ever experience. For the first time, he wondered if he had really died, but then, something unusual happened – while he still thought about this, the lighter haired woman in the second chair smiled a sad smile at him and answered a question he had never asked out loud.

“No, you haven’t died, Credence”, she said, her voice kind as well as the other one’s.

 _But how, I felt like dying, and what happened,_ he thought, and after everything that had happened to him during the last few weeks, he was not even surprised anymore when she answered these unasked questions as well.

“I’m sorry that I can’t explain it to you, but we don’t really know how. And honey, you should really sleep some more, there’ll be time to explain everything later but there is-, there is one thing you have to know now. Alright?”

Credence nodded, his eyes fixed on her. She was beautiful and he wished that he had met her earlier; he was sure that she had to look even more beautiful in bright colours. When he caught her little smile, Credence realized that she would probably know about this thought too, however she did this, and he quickly looked away. 

 

“Credence”, she started again, and there was something in her voice – he couldn’t resist but look at her again.

“You need to know about Mister Graves”, she said while the other woman looked at Credence as well, and he felt coldness settle into his bones. Just hearing _his_ name had caused his heart to beat a little bit faster and he hated it; how his heart seemingly had not understood yet that there was no reason to do so anymore, to get excited about the man who had betrayed him, who had broken this very heart.

The two women exchanged a glance before the light haired one started to speak once again.

“Mister Graves did never hurt you. There was someone, a very bad person, a dark wizard, and he pretended to be him.”

“And he was so convincing at it, none of us noticed that it wasn’t Mister Graves”, the dark-haired lady continued, and Credence heard self-blame in her words. But he couldn’t think about this at the moment, cause her very words didn’t make sense. None at all.

“Credence”, this was the one who could somehow know his thoughts again, “I know this is a lot at the moment, but-, Percival Graves. Percival Graves, who was the reason that you saw all these colours, who played songs for you and took care of you, you haven’t seen that man in weeks. This dark wizard, his name’s Grindelwald, he was the one who hurt you. And I know that he looked like Mister Graves, that he seemed to be him, but he wasn’t. Percival Graves, _your_ Percival Graves, he would have never hurt you. Never. You just have to believe this.”

And while he listened to her words, Credence already did. In some twisted way, it even made sense – how Percival’s behavior had changed, the sudden lack in colour, in kindness. Credence already was convinced that she was right, that it hadn’t been Percival at all who had treated him so very differently, and at the same time, he asked himself how he had ever been able to believe that it was Percival. How he hadn’t noticed. 

 

 _What happened to him?,_ Credence thought, afraid to even think the question, and he didn’t get a spoken answer to his unspoken question. When Credence saw the sadness, the pity in that beautiful face, he felt as if this was all the answer he needed to understand. 

And if this meant what he thought it did, wouldn’t it have been better to never wake up, to never feel the pain that cut through him now? No, it wouldn’t have been, Credence thought. Because he would have died in the believe that Percival Graves had betrayed him, while he now was convinced that it had been exactly the other way round.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Oh, don't you wonder when the light begins to fade?_   
>  _And the clock just makes the colours turn to gray_
> 
> \- From Panic! at the Disco's "Golden Days"


	14. Maybe

“He’s… gone?”, Credence whispered, because he had to know. He needed to hear the words so this tiny shard of hope that still cut into his heart could be taken out; he needed it confirmed that Percival was dead so he could bleed out in his desperation.

The two women next to his bed looked at each other before the dark haired one, Miss Tina, as Credence had learned, started to answer.

“We, Credence we don’t know it. Ever since we learned that Mister Graves had been missing, that it was Grindelwald this whole time, we’ve been searching for him, but so far, no one was able to find him.”

“So you can’t know if he’s alive”, Credence stated in a monotone voice – doing his best to refuse any more hope to make its way into his heart, into his head. Percival being missing was bad news, really bad. Only that it was better than hearing about his confirmed death, and Credence couldn’t help thinking about how there still was a chance, thin and fading but still, a chance that they might see each other again.

“Grindelwald claims that he is alive. And that he could tell us his location, if we’d make it attractive for him”, Miss Queenie explained.

 

“He… He made an offer. Or, he said he would”, Miss Tina added.

Credence just stared at her with wide eyes, unable to understand why they hadn’t already taken said offer, if there was even the slightest chance to get Percival back. What could this strange evil wizard possibly want that would be more important than Percival’s very life? Did he demand his own freedom in exchange? Credence hoped it was something else because in this case, he would have been able to understand why even these kind people who seemed to care about Percival nearly as much as he did would say No – setting that man free would be too dangerous, for everyone. 

And, as Credence realized in this moment, Percival (the real one, Percival with the colours – separating what he learned now had been two different people in one form wasn’t the easiest thing for Credence to do) would have seen it the same way. His Percival wouldn’t have wanted a risk put into the world, even if it would cost his own life. The thought caused Credence to shiver.

 

“What did he ask?”, Credence asked carefully, “Does he want to be set free in exchange for where Mister Graves is?”

“Grindelwald, he”, Miss Tina paused, taking a deep breath, “He said he would make an offer for Mister Graves’ location, but he also made it very clear that he would make this offer only to you.”

“To- to _me_?”, Credence asked, convinced he had heard wrong.

“Yes, to you”, Miss Tina whispered, and very carefully, she took one of Credence’s pale hands in hers. And though she gave him the opportunity, he didn’t take his hand away. It had been too long since someone had touched him with nothing but kindness in their mind.

“So, I have to go to him?”, Credence asked, not looking at Miss Tina. Just the thought of meeting that man scared him, and he feared that this brave, magical woman would see this fear in his eyes. Not to speak of Miss Queenie, who could read it in his thoughts.

 

“Miss Queenie”, Credence started, as a thought had just occurred to him, “Why can’t you just read it in his thoughts, where Per-, where Mister Graves is?”

“Oh my dear, I wish I could. But there are ways to defend oneself against how I can do this, and I also fear that at the moment, the people in charge would say that there are more important matters with Grindelwald than trying to find out where Percival is.”

There was something in her voice, something that Credence didn’t like, and he realized that the other magical people, or at least most of them, were convinced that it would be pointless. That Percival already was dead anyway, and that they would just waste their time and their magic. But no matter what these people believed, Credence was none of them. He didn’t care much about magic or politics or his own life, but he needed, truly _needed_ to know if Percival still was alive. He needed to find him. No matter the costs. He would go to this Grindelwald person and offer him everything he had. And when he looked at the two witches again, he knew that they knew this too.

 

“Credence, he, he’ll try to manipulate you…” _and he’ll succeed, just like last time_ remained unsaid, but Credence was convinced that he could read the words in Miss Tina’s face.

“I have to go. I have to try it”, Credence simply stated, because it was true.

“You can’t do this, you _can’t_ go there”, and now there was something pleading in her voice.

“Miss Tina, do you”, Credence hesitated, unused to talking about private matters like this with, well, anyone, “Do you know what one of the, the best thing about my re-, relationship with Mi-, Percival was? He let me make my own decisions. He would always ask for my permission before he kissed me, he never just told me to do something or forced me, and he… I have to do this. Because I _want_ to. And because I could never forgive myself for not trying everything I could to safe him, _never_ in my life…”

 

There was something like an understanding smile on Miss Queenie’s face and just in the moment when she wanted to say something, the door opened. A young man with kind eyes walked in, looking in Credence’s vague direction. 

He was wearing a coat, one that was bright blue, and when Credence saw it, the first colour in what seemed to be forever, he knew that there never would be anything that could change his decision to go to Grindelwald. And to do just everything in his might to safe Percival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _When the colours turn grey and the lights all fade_   
>  _to black again_   
>  _We’re in over our heads_   
>  _But somehow we make it back again_
> 
> _Water so deep,_   
>  _How do we breath_   
>  _How do we climb?_
> 
> _So we stay in this mess,_   
>  _This beautiful mess tonight_
> 
> _And we don’t have a thing to lose_   
>  _No matter what they say or do_
> 
> _I don’t want nothing more,_   
>  _Our love is untouchable_
> 
> _Even in the line of fire,_   
>  _When everything is on the wire_
> 
> _Even up against the wall,_   
>  _Our love is untouchable_
> 
> \- From Kristian Kostov's “Beautiful Mess”


	15. Someday

Bright sunlight was shining down on Percival’s skin. He felt it, even when he closed his eyes – he couldn’t _see_ the light anymore, but nevertheless it still was there. It was unusual for the sun to shine that much in this time of the year but she didn’t mind, she just fought her way through the clouds. Percival cast his eyes away from the blue sky that was sprinkled only by a few puffy white clouds and fixed his view on the young man walking next to him. Credence was staring off into the distance, allowing Percival to watch him without him noticing, and oh, Percival enjoyed what he saw. 

It truly was magnificent how much some feelings that weren’t miserable could change the way a person looked, how a smile could do so even more, and when Percival looked at Credence now, his steps careful but not fearful, his posture not as hunched as it used to be, the left corner of his mouth raised just the slightest bit, he smiled himself. Now that he knew him, Percival couldn’t imagine anyone else walking next to him in these streets, he wouldn’t have wanted there to be anyone else, and he knew that he would also be aware of this if there weren’t for the colours, if it hadn’t been that on top of all the happiness he sheltered in his heart Credence had brought all the blues and reds and yellows to his world. 

Only, if the sky hadn’t turned blue that day that seemed to be so much more long ago than it was, they may have never met, just two strangers passing each other in the street, maybe a short meeting of their eyes - without a clue about all the opportunities they let fly away by continuing their paths in opposite directions to never letting them cross again. So, Percival was thankful for the colours, for them appearing just in the right moment to let them meet. 

 

And he had never been one for a lot of future planning, not when it came to his private life (with his job it was quite the opposite), but somehow, at the moment, he didn’t feel like he needed to do it. The most important thing was that Credence would stay by his side, and just when he had this thought, Credence looked at him, a hint of a sparkle in his eyes, and Percival knew that they would stay together. He couldn’t think of anything that might separate them, not when Credence looked at him _like this_ , not when the bright yellow sun didn’t make him feel even close as warm as this feeling in his chest did that made itself known whenever he saw Credence.

Percival flashed Credence a smile and oh, how he wished that he could take Credence’s hand, hold it for everyone to see that they belonged together. Instead, he suggested that they could take a few extra steps through the park, being just in each other’s company for some time. Credence looked down at his shoes while a slight blush decorated his cheeks, and Percival took in the light red, enjoying the colour and how it stood out against his skin that did not was quite as pale anymore as it had been when they had first met each other.

As soon as they were surrounded by nothing and no one but trees, trees in all different shades of grey, Credence walked a bit closer to Percival, their shoulders brushing against each other the tiniest bit. Percival let his thumb brush over the back of Credence’s hand for just a second, causing Credence to shiver. They continued their walk until they reached a lake, the dark blue surface glistening in the sun. Credence looked across the water with a smile, looking so content and happy that suddenly, an idea struck Percival – they should go on a vacation some day. He was convinced that Credence never had left the city before, and it had been years since Percival had last been focused on anything that was not his work. So they should really take some days off, just the two of them. Percival would keep this idea somewhere in the back of his mind, to come back to it as soon as his work would allow him to and as soon as he would have managed to improve Credence’s situation some more. But for now, this was enough - a nice little walk to enjoy each other’s company and the blue blue sky.

 

Percival was unsure if this particular day had actually happened that way, if it was a memory or more like a dream, something his mind had made up because it might as well have happened that way. He hoped that it did happen though, he really did so – even if it would be just for the way Credence had smiled there, so honest, so bright. And Percival wouldn’t have liked to lose that smile, even if he just had it somewhere in his memory.

.

By now, he was nearly convinced that he would never see Credence’s smile again, that Grindelwald had forgotten him here or just left him to die, and there was not a thing he could change about it. He was helpless, alone, and so barely alive that he started to wonder if it would hurt, changing from his current state of being caught up in dreams and memories to that other place, and whatever might wait there for him… And getting lost in memories of the most beautiful smile he had ever seen surely wasn't the worst way to go...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Take my hand and lead the way_   
>  _Out of the darkness and into the light of the day_   
>  _And take me somewhere I'll be safe_   
>  _Carry my lifeless body away from the pain_
> 
> _'Cause I know what I've been missing_  
>  _And I know that I should try_  
>  _But there's hope in this submission_  
>  _And there's freedom in your eyes_
> 
> \- From Hurts' "Help"


	16. Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Credence pays Grindelwald a visit...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I wanna send my thanks to dear WinchesterBurger for reminding me of this story and telling me about how people would still like to know how it ends - I was a little worried about that tbh, and so it's even better to hear such nice things! ❤︎

“I wish you all the luck in the world”, Newt Scamander said to Credence before shaking his hand a little awkwardly. 

During the past few days, Credence had come to like the young wizard quite a lot. They seemed to share the trait of sometimes not being sure about what to say in a conversation, which reassured Credence, and when Newt introduced him to what seemed to be nothing but a branch of a tree but turned out to be the most adorable creature he had ever seen, he smiled for the first time in what seemed to be forever. 

The evening before, in a quiet moment after the Goldstein sisters had gone to bed, Newt had offered Credence that if he ever needed a place to stay, he would be welcome in his suitcase, as well as in his house at the other side of the world. The way he framed this had already suggested that it wasn’t something to think about now, and Credence was grateful for it – of course he knew that if he wanted to back out of their plan Newt would have helped him, but his friend just _knowing_ that right now, Credence had more important things to do, this was even better. 

Hadn’t he been so worried for Percy and about his upcoming meeting with who seemed to be the worst person in the whole magical world, Credence would have taken more joy in the fact that for the first time in his life, he actually had people that he considered his friends. But he hoped that there would be time for that later. After he had Percival back, cause nothing else could be as important right now.

 

After he had said his goodbyes to Newt, Credence got into Miss Queenie’s clutch, charmed with the same magic that allowed Newt to carry a whole animal kingdom of the most fantastic creatures around with him. The idea to actually use Newt’s suitcase for their plan had quickly been discarded, and the meaningful glance between Newt and Miss Tina told Credence that there was a story behind this. It wasn’t his place to ask though, and it did not seem all too important when the plan they were making had finding Percival as its final goal.

Credence was anxiously waiting inside the bag, trying not to think too much about what was about to happen. Wrapping his head around the idea that the man he would meet soon, the one whose picture he had seen in the newspapers, white hair and a crazy look in his eyes that caused shivers to run along Credence’s skin, was actually the one he had thought to be Percy during their last few weeks together still was hard. In retrospective, Credence saw so many things that had been wrong with his behavior, and still… No matter what his new-found friends said, Credence couldn’t help but blame himself for not noticing something earlier, or rather for not trusting his instincts that were whispering to him that things weren’t the way they should be. 

And now, Percival was lost, probably alone and in need of help - _but alive,_ that he had to be. Not only because Credence’s heart wouldn’t have survived another possibility, but also, because he was sure that otherwise, he wouldn’t have been able to see the very prominent blue of Newt’s coat so clearly. The fading of the colours earlier had been a hint, a sign that something was wrong, and now, with at least one being back in its full glory, Credence was convinced that this meant that he was on the right way. He would fight, no matter how much he feared the conversation he was about to have, and he would get Percival Graves back. Even if it would cost everything Credence had, he would give it. And with that fierce determination in his mind, he got out of Miss Queenie’s clutch.

 

Faster than he had expected, Credence found himself in the same floor that Grindelwald was being held in, and he took a deep breath while the next step of their plan started. One of the wizards guarding the dark magician’s cell was in his lunch break right now, which was the reason why they had chosen this particular time of the day, and Miss Tina went on to have a conversation with his remaining colleague. She was wearing a dress borrowed from her sister and a smile that Credence, who had come to know her during the past week, saw to be utterly faked, but the man didn’t seem to catch this, and when Tina asked him to walk a few steps with her, he agreed quickly. 

It was just Credence and Queenie then, and there weren’t many things left to say – they had discussed so many possibilities about how this might go already, and Credence knew that she would stay with him in his thoughts; that if he would need help, even if he didn’t call for it with words, she would be there. The blonde woman hugged him tight before placing a kiss on his cheek, and then she gifted Credence a smile so encouraging it made him smile too. It seemed to say _You can do this,_ and yes, Credence was convinced that he could. What was there to lose? And what could it even matter, when there was everything to fight for?

 

Credence walked the few steps away from Queenie until he was right in front of a little window that allowed him to look into Grindelwald’s cell, and he found the wizard’s gaze already fixed on him. These eyes were even worse in real life than they had been in the pictures Credence had seen, speaking of so much madness behind them, but Credence wouldn’t look away.

“Well hello, hello, hello”, Grindelwald greeted him with a bright smile, and a little part of Credence wanted to run away immediately.

“I heard that you could tell me where Mister Graves is?”, Credence asked, being proud with how steady he managed to have his voice sound.

Grindelwald ignored his words though.

“They would like to put you right next to me here, you know, the Goldstein women, whoever else might seem to help you right now – but you’re aware of this, aren’t you, Credence? You certainly should be. Those people aren’t your friends, and I fear you’re too stupid to see that they don’t actually want to help you. If anything, they’re afraid of you. As they should be.”

Credence had seen this coming. Well, maybe not these words exactly, but Grindelwald somehow trying to get him off balance, to scare him, manipulate him. And he wouldn’t have it.

“Mister Grindelwald”, and oh, it was hard to stay polite here, “If there is anything of use that you want to say to me, please do so now. Otherwise I’ll go back to my-, to the people who don’t care about me at all.”

“Oh Credence, trying so hard to be a brave boy here – I’ve missed you.” 

With a sinking feeling, Credence started to realize that Grindelwald would not tell him anything. Maybe he had hoped for another opportunity to play his sick games, but not today. And not with him. He just wondered if he should just go when Grindelwald spoke again, therewhile seemingly including the whole building with a gesture of his hands.

 

“ _Their_ magic won’t ever be able to find your precious Percy. But maybe yours would be? Don’t try to be anything that you aren’t, my dear. Don’t fight the monster inside yourself anymore. Because this is who you are. Accept what that is, and you may have a chance to find him. When I spoke of a deal, I was not hoping to get out of here. Well, at least not right now, and not with that much help from these fools. No, I just want you to promise me to let lose the monster, and I’m telling you, you’ll find what you’re so desperately looking for. This is a quite fair deal, don’t you think so, honey?” 

The nickname caused Credence to shiver, and for a second, it got so hard to focus on the here and now, to not get lost in memories that made his skin itch by now. It was Grindelwald himself who brought Credence’s attention back, when he continued to speak, accompanied by a wink. 

“I, for my part, would never ask you to change. Just be who you are deep inside, and you can have everything you want. Even if it’s just that loser who didn’t even try to put on a fight to get back to you.”

“You’re lying”, Credence answered, voice steady with how he was convinced of the truth that his words held.

“Hmmmm”, Grindelwald smiled in a vicious way before he continued to talk in a rather joyful voice, “Maybe I am. Maybe not. Maybe good Percy was screaming in a pain worse than that of our best torture curses when I told him how good you tasted, and how you had no idea that it wasn’t him with you. Or maybe he couldn’t have cared less; was glad to get rid of a burden such as you. You’ll never know, will you?”

Credence could feel his fingernails biting into the flesh of his hands with how hard he was clenching his fists. This was what Grindelwald wanted, to get him angry, best of all right here, where his obscurus would cause lord knows what, and he couldn’t fall for it. But it was _so hard_ , and when Grindelwald had mentioned Percy screaming in pain, Credence could feel his red, red rage turning black around the edges. 

For the first time in his life, Credence longed to actually kill someone, to take that vicious grin away from the dark wizard’s face, but for one thing, he longed more. And so, Credence turned around, and left without even a single glance back. 

 

Their plan had actually included Credence meeting the Goldstein sisters just behind a staircase on the next floor, but he couldn’t have that now. Not when he was convinced that what was left to do to safe Percival, he had to do alone, and that there was not a moment to lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I thought you'd lead me when life's misleading_   
>  _That's when I miss you most_
> 
> _Every now and then I'm drawn to places_   
>  _Where I hear your voice or see your face and_   
>  _Every little thought will lead me right back to you_
> 
> _You said I had one life and a true heart_   
>  _I tried my best and I came so far_   
>  _But you will never know_   
>  _Cause you let me walk this road alone_
> 
> \- From Michael Schulte's "You let me walk alone"


	17. Please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big hug to everyone who is still reading & commenting on this story! ❤
> 
> And special greetings to my dear friend Sandy - I hope you get well soon!! ❤

In an abandoned alley, not unlike the one he used to meet Percy in, back when things still used to be alright (or even better than that, so so much better), Credence closed his eyes. And with a deep breath, he allowed the blackness that had been trying to break free ever since he had been talking with Grindelwald to take over. Now, this felt different than the previous times – it wasn’t so much of a surrender but more of an embracing of his magic.

 _His magic_ , this thought still was so very foreign to Credence. And yet, he started to get used to the idea. If there was so much magic out there, if colours could just turn up and turn one’s world upside down, if something as unimaginable as love turned out to actually exist – why shouldn’t this be true? Why shouldn’t he be able to fly and to safe Percival? 

Credence was aware that he was following Grindelwald’s advice here, but he also knew, somewhere deep in his heart and in the confidence that he should turn towards the north, that it was the right thing to do. Yes, the dark wizard had been right about a few things. He had mentioned that Credence was dangerous, and that people should fear him. What he had missed there though was the most important thing – that if anyone should ever have to fear Credence, it would have to be him. 

He should hope never to cross paths with Credence again, or with Percival for that matter. Yes, Credence possessed magic, and he was aware that his might be darker, more twisted, than other people’s, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t protect what he loved with it. And that he would do. He would fight to get Percival back, and once he achieved this, he would protect him. All the evil that was out there should know well enough to leave them alone.

 

While Credence was flying above the countryside as nothing more than a dark cloud, he was filled with a deep calmness. He was convinced that this was the day, the one where everything would finally be alright again – he would get Percival back, _his Percival,_ and nothing else mattered. 

The sun was shining into a bright afternoon when Credence started to feel anticipation tingling through his body, and, following the magical whisperings that seemed to come from deep inside his heart, he flew towards a house that stood alone surrounded by nothing but deep dark woods. This was the right place, he just knew it, _felt_ it, and the sun, as brightly yellow as he had never seen it before, seemed to agree. 

Credence walked towards the house, a skinny young man again, but with the black of magic still whispering underneath his skin. It probably gave him some sort of confidence, of not walking into what quite possibly could be a trap totally unprotected. The magic would protect him, Credence was sure of this while he walked across the dry earth; looked at the broken glass of old windows. The house seemed abandoned, and empty.

Credence himself couldn’t have said how he had imagined the place his journey would take him to to look, but somehow, it wasn’t like this. A small wooden house that looked as if a storm with just a hint of determination could blow it away. This wasn’t a huge magical castle, nor an intimidating prison building. And still, Credence _knew_ that he had come to the right place.

 

The old door made an unpleasant noise when Credence carefully opened it, and he stepped into a messy living room. Ages ago, someone might have lived here, and it might even have looked like a home, but now, there was nothing left that wasn’t dust, spiderwebs or broken furniture. There also was a foul-smelling kitchen, a tiny chamber with a bed inside, a bathroom – it all looked like it had been abandoned years ago, and nowhere there was any hint of a living person being here. Not a hint that Grindelwald might have used this place, and especially not a hint of Percival Graves ever being here as a captive. Credence’s thoughts were racing and he was close to desperation, to wondering if maybe this wasn’t the right place after all, when he saw it.

In the corner of the kitchen, half hidden behind a cupboard, there was a door. A door that had to be leading into a cellar. Credence felt his heartbeat speeding up while he walked towards it, and when he extended his hand, he found it shaking. With trembling fingers, Credence opened the door, and was greeted with pitch black darkness. There seemed to be stairs, and carefully, Credence walked down them. When he had reached the bottom of the staircase and extended his hands, he felt metal in front of him. Another door was there, and this one turned out to be locked. Credence tried to turn the knob, with more and more determination, but it didn’t move. The door stayed closed. Credence sighed and leaned his head against the cold metal. He was so close, and yet, he couldn’t go through this door. Or could he? 

Allowing himself a small smile at his sudden idea, Credence closed his eyes, and once again let himself become nothing but black smoke. And like this, he was able to slip through the barely existent space between the door and the wall.

 

Back to himself, Credence’s eyes were quick to adapt to the darkness, and so he was able to look around. To take in the small room, and what was inside it. An old broom, a cupboard, some boxes – though none of those mattered. There was only one thing that mattered, and this was the shape of a human body that Credence could make out curled into itself in the farthest corner. A human shape that had to be Percival Graves.

“Percy? Percy, can you hear me?” 

Credence fell to his knees as soon as he reached him; shaking fingers touching the material of a coat that he remembered so well, though it used to be whole and untouched, not torn and dirty. But what could a ruined coat matter, when it actually was Percival Graves who was inside it?

“Percival?”, Credence nearly sobbed, unaware of the tears running down his cheeks.

Credence was cradling Percival in his arms now, noticing with growing horror how skinny he was, how cold. He had put on such a strong façade earlier, with the girls and with Grindelwald, but now, Credence felt his bravery crumbling, making room for a feeling of endless helplessness.

“ _Please_ wake up.”

 

He had never been as scared to do anything as he was when he reached towards Percival’s hand to feel for a pulse, but Credence knew that he had to do this nevertheless. That he had to know.

Percival’s hands had been bound tightly with rope, the skin around his wrists broken and bloody, and for a moment, Credence couldn’t feel anything.

This _couldn’t_ be true. Not after everything they had gone through, not with how sure he had grown that everything would turn out alright. Credence didn’t pay any attention to the tears still running down his cheeks, the tremors shaking his body – all that mattered was Percival, and how horribly still he was. He felt his world shattering around him.

But then, Credence felt it. Barely noticeable, and out of rhythm, but still so wonderfully _there_ , he could feel Percival’s pulse.

“You’re alive”, Credence whispered while he leaned down to place a soft kiss in Percival hair, “You’re alive, and I love you.”

 

And then, Percival’s eyelids started to flutter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been only listening to Ermal Meta's songs while writing this chapter, but as it's a little hard to quote in a language one doesn't speak, have an other quote here:
> 
> _Love is the light_   
>  _Scaring darkness away, yeah_
> 
> _I'm so in love with you_   
>  _Purge the soul_   
>  _Make love your goal_
> 
> _The power of love_   
>  _A force from above_   
>  _Cleaning my soul_   
>  _Flame on burn desire_   
>  _Love with tongues of fire_   
>  _Purge the soul_   
>  _Make love your goal_
> 
> _I'll protect you from the hooded claw_   
>  _Keep the vampires from your door_   
>  _When the chips are down_   
>  _I'll be around with my undying_   
>  _Death defying love for you_
> 
> \- From Frankie goes to Hollywood's "The Power of Love"


	18. Green

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started writing this story about one and a half years ago, it was _this_ chapter that I was looking most forward to. So, I'm very happy to be here now, and I'm happy you're here too :D

Percival’s eyes blinked open, and Credence felt as if his heart had just stopped. How he could have ever mistaken Grindelwald for him was beyond Credence – now, that he looked into Percival’s eyes, and saw the love in them, so clearly visible between fear, desperation and disbelief, it was oh so clear that Grindelwald had never managed to imitate the way Percy looked at Credence quite right. Because this wasn’t an act, it was pure emotion. And one couldn’t fake this.

Credence was out of words, he was just staring at Percival, unable to believe that he was actually holding him in his arms here. When Percival raised his still bound hands with obvious effort, Credence caught them in his, linking their fingers together while he smiled a watery smile.

“I was so scared I’d never get to see you again”, Credence whispered, not even surprised with how broken his own voice sounded.

“Oh Credence”, Percival answered, and then he smiled. Even in this situation, in a dark cellar and with so much uncertainty around them, Credence felt his heart melt at the sight.

 

“My dear, how I wish I’d actually get to see you again, even if it was just for one last moment.”

Credence froze and asked in an unbelieving voice: “What are you talking about?”

“I know you’re not actually here; how could you be?”, another smile, though a sad one this time, “And don’t misunderstand me, love, I’m glad you don’t have to be here with me, but I wish”, a cough, “I wish I could have told you-“

Credence was shaking his head and now, he carefully placed a shaking finger on Percival’s lips.

“Please, please stop this. I’m actually here, and I’m sorry that it isn’t sooner, but it is me, Percival, I really am here.”

“You don’t sound like the you did that he did send. Maybe I’m dreaming you? Or you’re an angel?”

Percival’s eyes started to fall closed again while he talked, and though Credence didn’t want to startle him in the weakened state he already was in, he saw no other option than to shake his shoulders. When Percy opened his eyes again, Credence leaned closer to him, so close their noses nearly touched, and continued to speak. For a second, he wondered if he ever had anything as important to say in his life.

 

“Percival Graves, I want you to listen to me. I’m here. I’m not an illusion, and I’m certainly not an angel, but I’m Credence, and I love you. Yes, I do, I love you so much, and I’m so sorry that I didn’t realize that it wasn’t you with me these last weeks, though there were so many hints, and he never managed to get the expression in your eyes just right. And I know now that I’ve got magic, that I’m capable of such terrible things, but I think that’s okay, because the world isn’t that terrible anymore, and I, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I _love_ you. And the sun has never been shining as yellow as it is today, and I’ve never loved you more. You and me, we’re going to get out of here together, and the sky is going to be as strikingly blue as it was the day we met, and I’ll hold your hand and never let go.”

Credence took a shaky breath once he had finished his little speech, and then he expectantly looked at Percival. At Percival, whose eye a single tear escaped.

“Credence?”, Percival asked, and Credence could see it in his eyes, that he finally believed him.

“Yes, I’m here”, Credence answered, and finally, he leaned even closer to the face that he loved so much. Percival was looking at him now with so much wonder and fondness in it, and right before Credence’s lips met his, a tiny smile flashed over his lips, and he closed his eyes.

Their reunion kiss was barely more than a peck on the lips, but it felt as if it was everything.

 

They stayed with their foreheads leaned against each other’s, and Credence felt as if he could breathe freely for the first time in weeks. 

“Do you think you could help me-“, Percival stopped and just raised his hands, and of course Credence understood what he meant.

“Yes, sure, I’ll just, let me see”, Credence looked around in the little basement, into the cupboard and the boxes, but they all turned out to be empty; nothing sharp to cut Percival’s bounds in sight.

“Upstairs, there was a kitchen, I’ll have a look for a knife or something the like there”, Credence said, and he already was half on his feet when he saw the look in Percival’s eyes.

Not a word escaped Percival’s lips, but those were shaking, and his eyes seemed to be screaming. _Please don’t go; please don’t leave me alone here._ He looked even paler than he had been before, and the tear that was threatening to escape his eye felt like a dagger being driven into Credence’s heart.

Credence hugged Percy close again, noticed how both of them were shaking. He tried his best to think of what the older man had done whenever he had been in a bad state, but the only thing that came to his mind right now was how Percival had been stroking his hair, so he tried just that. It seemed like Percy leaned into the touch, and Credence couldn’t help but place another kiss on top of his head.

“I won’t leave you”, Credence whispered, and Percival nodded. Most of the terror had vanished from his eyes, and Credence was incredibly relieved to see this.

 

Credence helped Percival to his feet and kept an arm slung around his middle. They made their way through the cellar slowly, Percival leaning heavily on Credence. He was not really sure what was wrong with his right leg, or how it might have happened, but whenever he put his weight on it, Percival could feel pain flashing through his body. Even more than he already was in.

When they got to the bottom of the stairs, Percival felt utterly exhausted, but he tried not to show it, as well as he tried to suppress the whimper that escaped his lips when he couldn’t help using his bad leg on the third step. Both didn’t seem to be working too well, but Credence knew that he had to get them out of that cellar, especially for Percival’s sake. 

After what felt like hours, they had made it to the top of the staircase and into the little kitchen, and Percival collapsed onto a wooden chair with Credence’s help. He was just about to close his eyes out of exhaustion when he noticed something. On the opposite wall, the kitchen had a little window, and through it, Percival could see a spot of the blue, _blue_ sky.

 

Credence cut through the bounds around Percival’s hands with a rusty knife while the other man still looked out of the window. He flinched when Credence lifted the rope that had cut so deeply into his skin, and now that they were seeing each other in bright daylight for the first time in forever, Credence was able to make out the bruises colouring Percival’s skin seemingly everywhere. The shadows under his eyes, how unruly his hair looked, how hollow his face was. But, most important, how very much like _Percy_ he looked, and how wonderful that was. 

Finally, Percival moved his gaze away from the window and looked down at his fingers instead while he experimentally moved them. Credence’s hand was hovering just an inch away, and Percival caught it, lifting it towards his lips.

“Thank you so, _so_ much, love”, Percival whispered before he placed a kiss on top of Credence’s hand.

Credence blushed and was just about to answer when they heard a noise that seemed to be coming from outside.

 

“What was that?”, Credence asked, nervously looking around.

Percival just shook his head, indicating that he had no idea either. They both stayed silent for a moment, focusing on nothing but their ears, but everything was silent now.

“I’ll just have a very quick look”, Credence said to Percival while he squeezed his hand, “I’ll be back in just a second.”

Credence leaned down to place a quick kiss on Percival’s lips, and then turned towards the door.

“Credence?”

The younger man turned around again.

“Be careful. Please.”

“I will be”, Credence answered, fighting against the urge to go back to Percival, to just hug him close again.

With a deep breath, Credence walked out of the door and looked around. And what he saw there nearly made his heart stop.

 

Between the trees just a few meters away, Credence could spot a person. And he would recognize that white hair, that crazy gaze everywhere. Grindelwald was grinning in Credence’s direction, and he felt his skin grow cold. The wizard stepped out of the trees, coming closer, and Credence’s only thought was that he had to stay between him and that little wooden house. That he had to keep him from ever coming near Percival again.

“I see that you followed my advice and found your way here. Oh, I’m proud of you”, Grindelwald said in a cheerful voice. 

He didn’t get an answer; Credence just stared at him in disbelief.

“Credence, listen to me. Now that you see that I only have the best for you in mind, that I want nothing more than to help you, I want to make you another offer. A real one this time. Join me, and we’ll be invincible together. Use your magic to help me, and no one will be able to ever hurt you again.”

Credence could believe it less and less. 

 

“How _dare_ you”, the young man started. 

Grindelwald’s surprise at Credence’s reaction was visible in nothing more than a tiny flicker of his grin. But Credence saw it. And it made him even angrier, because _how in heaven, hell and whatever may lay in between could he have ever expected Credence to join him? Voluntarily? After everything?_

“You”, Credence continued, “ _You_ were the one who hurt me. Who hurt us. And I’d never ever be on your side. Not for even a single moment of my life.”

Grindelwald nodded.

“Well, this is.. unfortunate”, the dark wizard said with a shrug.

Credence could hear the blood running in his ears. This all was so unexpected, as he had thought that once he had been able to find his Percival, everything would be okay. He hadn’t thought much about Grindelwald, or at least not anymore – the man had been in a magical prison, and they were free. Or so they seemed to be. But they already had come so far, and now that he had seen Percival again, Credence _knew_ that they would get through this too. Grindelwald hadn’t been able to permanently separate them earlier, and he wouldn’t be able to do that now. Or at least Credence wouldn’t allow him to get to Percival; would do everything to keep his love safe. He would continue to _fight._

 

Credence was holding his breath, waiting for whatever might happen next. Grindelwald was licking his lips while he tilted his head a bit to the side, and then he started murmuring words that Credence couldn’t understand.

 

The last thing that Credence saw was a bright flash of green light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I know I'll never forget_   
>  _That day the first time we met_   
>  _We've come a long way since then_   
>  _And I would do it all again_   
>  _From your very first smile_   
>  _I knew that I'd walk a mile_   
>  _See, it's for real when you know_   
>  _You never wanna let go_
> 
> _No matter what comes our way_   
>  _I feel like you're here to stay_   
>  _You were there right from the start_   
>  _And let me inside your heart_   
>  _After all this time_   
>  _I hate the sound of goodbye_
> 
> \- From Ieva Zasimauskaitė's "When We're Old"

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Troye Sivan's "Blue"
> 
> Nice comments will have me jumping in the air! <3
> 
> And please come say Hi at Tumblr: consulting-angel-in-bag-end


End file.
